A Tale of Two Bunnies
by Her Sweetness
Summary: Ryou's got the whole universe domination itch and Bakura's being dragged along for the ride. He's always sort of wanted the universe but not like this! Innuendos, aliens, crossdressing, Mokuba cuteness, a very POed Marik and more. Oh the possibilities.
1. Have You Seen This Man?

Her Sweetness: It's _back_… Yes, it most certainly is. The sequel to A Tale of Two Idiots and trilogy ending to A Tale of Two Kings! I have begun writing this because I just could not stand my other fic.

Now, I know it's been awhile since ATOTI so feel free to go back and read however far you need to. This fic takes place right after the ending. And for all my first-time readers,you should be able to follow it easily. I promise, this fic will have all of the essence of the previous two only with a little more…

BANG!

* * *

A Tale of Two Bunnies

Chapter 1:

In the city of Domino, approximately forty-nine hours, fifty-two minutes and three seconds after Ryou Bakura was struck with Joey Wheeler's football… all was normal. _Normal_. No riots, no monkey sex, no jets or boats or Pharaohs or giant fat men destroying the town. And because of that little fact, a small group of boys were extremely worried. Especially Bakura, whose hikari had—on the day of being hit by that football—run off down the street and not since returned.

Said yami stood leaning against a wall in the home of Marik and Malik who were currently both on the couch. Marik had a Nintendo game controller in his hand and was shouting obscenities at the screen while Malik listened to Bakura intently.

"… and he hasn't come back since and—Marik? Ra-dammit, here I am, spilling my _guts_, and there you are kickin' gomba ass! What the hell?"

Malik stuck out his lower lip. "_I'm_ listening, Bakura."

Marik looked at Bakura with one eye while concentrating on the game with the other. "Hah?"

"_Hah_?" Bakura mimicked. "_What about Ryou_?"

There was silence in the room right before an explosion on the television and the appearance of a black screen: _Game Over._ At that, Marik's jaw dropped and he threw the controller across the room resulting in a broken lamp.

"Hey," Malik shouted, "I just bought that!"

"Well get over it, Mario just died!" Marik shot back.

"Mario? Why the hell should I care about—"

"Excuse me!" Bakura screamed at the top of his lungs, finally gaining the boys' attention. When he had it, he continued quickly before he lost it again, "Ryou got hit on the head with a football by Joey, the _same_ Joey whose fault it was that the world was almost ruled by midgets and gobbled up by Shadow creatures! He's _gone_ and we haven't seen him since and this concerns NO ONE?"

Marik and Malik exchanged glances.

"Now Bakura," Malik said calmly, "We know how you feel. It's devastating to lose the other half of your soul. I don't know what I'd do if Marik were gone."

Marik looked at his other half. "Really? I find that hard to believe seeing as how it was just last night that you told me to go die a hundred deaths and then spend eternity with Bill Cosby."

"… Shut up. Anyway, Bakura, I'm worried about Ryou too but you know him, he's like… _uber_ good, there's no way he could pull off what Yugi and Yami did."

Bakura crinkled his nose. "Don't be so sure. Ryou can be pretty evil when he wants to be."

Marik busted out into laughter. "When?"

"Well… this one time, at band camp—"

"Oh stop it. Listen, suddenly, I'm worried about him too." Malik said, turning to his yami. "Thinking back, we thought it was ridiculous for Yami and Yugi to take over the world too, right? But they did it."

"Exactly." Bakura got up from the wall and stood in the middle of the floor, his index finger raised to the ceiling. "And for that reason, we should organize a search party."

"Oh come on!" Marik said, suddenly annoyed.

"What?" they turned to him.

"Do you honestly believe Ryou, of all people, by _himself_, is capable of world domination?"

"Well not normally but did you see the look on his face after Joey hit him? It was like… it was like…" Malik searched for the right word.

Bakura cocked his head to the side. "Me?"

"Exactly! He looked like Bakura! Only cuter."

"Hey!"

Marik shrugged. "_Bakura's_ not trying to take over the world. For all we know, Ryou could be down the street at Shady Pines, emptying bedpans."

"Always gotta look on the bright-side, don't ya?"

"Someone's got to."

Just then, ceasing this riveting conversation, the doorbell rang and both Bakura and Marik looked at the only hikari in the room to answer it. Malik groaned and shuffled on over to the door. He opened it and, at first, didn't see anyone until, lo and behold, he looked down.

"Mokuba?"

"Malik! Malik, oh thank goodness!" The tiny ball of black hair nearly collapsed and attached himself to Malik's knees. The blond teen blinked and turned back into the living room, hopping until he was back with his yami and Bakura.

Marik looked at him and his new black, furry appendage. "Malik, I told you not to pick up things in the street."

Malik glared. He turned his attention back to the twelve-year-old attached to his leg. "Um, Mokuba? Is there something you want to share with us?"

When the boy looked up again, his eyes were flowing over with tears. "My big brother's been kidnapped!"

There was silence.

"Tch. And we care… why?"

"Marik!" Malik scolded.

"_What_? That guy has the eternal stick up his ass. Not to mention, he borrowed a condom of mine and never gave it back. I'm supposed to be worried?"

Malik shivered.

"… Dude, that's sick," Bakura said.

Mokuba gasped, pointing his small finger angrily at Marik. "Stop saying mean things about Seto! He wasn't doing anything to anyone!"

"Well tell us what happened," Malik said, picking Mokuba up by the sides and placing him on the couch next to Marik. After pouting and scooting as far from Marik as possible, Mokuba began to explain:

"Okay. Well, we were at Kaiba Corp and I was checking our stocks and Seto was bored. So he went off to the lower levels to see who wasn't doing their job and whoever wasn't would be fired. He does that sometimes when he's feeling rather self-loathing. I tried to talk him out of it but he never listens to me. Anyway, he was gone for a really long time so I thought maybe he'd gotten sidetracked and that balloon man, Morgan, that sometimes sneaks into the building coaxed Seto into his caravan again so I…

Five hours later…

"And the guy told me they were out of sour apple flavored snow-cones so I told him that if he didn't—"

"_Mokuba_!"

The boy looked up. "Yeah?"

Marik had been waiting for the point of this story for going on five hours and still hadn't heard anything of importance. He had nearly gnawed the stuffing out of the couch waiting and found he cold wait no longer. He shouted, "_What is the point_?"

Mokuba furrowed his brow. "The point, Mr. Can't Wait Another Two Seconds, is that Seto never came back! I searched the entire building and even went back to our house!"

"Fine, but what do you want us to do about it?"

"Oh, gee, I dunno… Help?"

"Lovely." Marik blinked at the boy and then pushed him off the couch. "Look, Mokuba, that's great and all but you need to get out of here; we're talking grown folks business."

"Huh? Wait—"

Bakura jumped in, "Yeah, my hikari's missing! No one's seen him for two days, your brother's only been missing for what, two hours? He's not as important yet."

"That's not fair," Mokuba shouted, "It's not fair! I helped you guys get your rods back last time! Please help me!"

Malik sighed. "Alright, well, have you tried the police?"

Mokuba sniffled. "They don't know anything…"

Marik quirked an eyebrow, "Then what makes you think we do?"

"I know I don't," Bakura said, picking at his ear.

There was silence again and finally Mokuba stomped his foot on the ground furiously. "Fine then!" He turned around. "I'll just go to Yami and Yugi for help! I don't know why I even came to you guys!"

Just as he was about to storm out of the doorway, the television—which had been turned to the local news station since Marik unplugged the Nintendo—volume turned up and everyone looked at Marik who had sat on the remote.

"_I am Marsha Mitsubishi from Channel 8 News, here at the scene of what appears to be a mass kidnapping at Kaiba Corporation in Northern Domino. It has just been reported not two minutes ago that every single worker in the Kaiba Corp building, including their President and CEO, Seto Kaiba, has gone missing. As you can see, police have been asking citizens in the vicinity if they have seen any suspicious men with a fleet of trucks."_

_The camera surveyed the scene behind the dark-haired woman, Marsha. The Kaiba Corp building's shiny windows gleamed in the sun but those windows that were usually full of unhappy, lonely workers were now desolate and empty. People below were running around like chicken's with their heads cut off and the local officers trying to catch them for some information. _

_It looked like total chaos, as news-scenes usually do when crazy or illiterate people are the eye-witnesses._

_Marsha frowned and decided to take matters into her own hands, sidestepping and grabbing a very fat woman by the tail of her skirt. Marsha smiled. "Excuse me, ma'am, but could you enlighten us on the situation?"_

"_AAAAHHHH! Oh my gawd, girl! I was like all up in the club and then like—oh my gawd—it was all lights and (bleep)! Then I was like (bleep) and went runnin' from the West Side! Girl! Damn and like it was some kinda spaceship!"_

_Marsha starred at the woman and then the cameraman. About a minute later, she rounded up another witness, an old man with overalls and white peach-fuzz for hair._

"_A-A-And it were some kinda spaceship err m-m-moon rock what picked 'em up, yessiree. I-I-I done saw it and the missus done took out the ol' shotgun a-a-and_—_"_

_Marsha pushed him out of the way. "Annoying old bastard," she muttered. Suddenly she perked up and smiled at the camera. "This just in! Actual footage of the scene just before the police arrived, taken by the neighborhood's voyeur."_

_The scene cut to a videotape of Kaiba Corp, the workers' shadows in the windows. A second later, a large aircraft was hovering just above the tall building. The camera moved up to reveal the shape of a large, metallic heart. A green light came down from the tip and covered the building, blinding the camera. Another second before the light faded and both the workers and spaceship were gone._

_Marsha blinked. "Holy crap."_

Mokuba's eyes were wide and when he looked around the room, each teenager's jaw was hanging. He shouted, "Now will you help me?"

* * *

Her Sweetness: You know the drill. Press the button or no new chapter! 


	2. Mad Cow Disease

Her Sweetness: Well, guys, like last time I am without much of a plot. I mean, I have a plot but I need… ties. Yes, that's the right word. But don't worry about me, I like being in deep water without a lifesaver. It'll teach me how to swim.

Enjoy!

* * *

A Tale of Two Bunnies

Chapter 2:

"HEY! LET ME IN! C'MON GUYS, PLEASE!"

Mokuba shouted at the closed door and banged with his tiny fists loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. Marik and Malik's neighbors—who never liked the boys anyway—all peeked out of their windows cautiously to watch the spectacle going on. Mokuba continued to shout and scream until Marik's voice was heard through the door.

"Shut up out there," he hissed. "You're going to make those old people across the street call the police again!"

"Please Marik, help me! I can't do this by myself, you saw it with your own two eyes: my brother's been kidnapped by aliens!"

Bakura, who was obviously by the door as well, chimed in, "That's why he doesn't want to let you in the house. If the aliens want your brother and your company, then they're going to want you. And if you're in the house with us, they might just take us along for the ride as well!"

"Yeah and I don't really feel like having a cold, metal probe launched up my butt," Marik said.

Mokuba stopped suddenly and sat down on the porch. He sniffled, wiping his nose with his sleeve. "That's not fair…"

"Life isn't fair."

* * *

Inside the house, both Marik and Bakura had their backs to the door as reinforcement to the locks. They heard Mokuba's sobbing out on the steps and tried to ignore it. Just then Malik walked in from the kitchen, holding in his oven mitt-clad hands a tray of hot cookies.

"Who wants chocolate-chip cookies?" he sang.

"Malik, shut up," Marik said.

Malik looked around and set the tray on the coffee table. He put his hands on his hips. "Where's Mokuba? What'd you two do to him?"

"Nothing," Bakura said and pointed at the door behind him. "He just decided to kick himself out."

"… What? Oh hell, get out of the way!" Malik kicked them both until they mewled with pain and stumbled out of the way. Malik opened the door and was just in time to see Mokuba shuffle down the street like a lost little puppy. He ran out of the house and had Mokuba's hand in his in a matter of seconds.

"Let go of me," Mokuba said stubbornly. He jerked his hand away. "I'm going to Yami and Yugi's house."

"Oh, Mokuba, you can't."

"Why not?"

"They went on vacation."

"… _Vacation_?" He cried out, aghast. "What the heck for?"

"I dunno. I guess after everything that happened, they wanted a little… alone time? Look, hell if I know, but I guess we're the only ones you have. So don't worry, we'll help you."

Mokuba's eyes brightened. "Really?"

"_No_!"

Both Malik and Mokuba looked back towards the house to see Marik and Bakura come running up to join them. Marik wore a frustrated look on his face as he poked his hikari in the forehead. "No, no and no again! Dammit, Malik, I'm already stuck trying to look for Ryou, I don't need this on my plate too."

"But Marik—"

"Wait a minute!" Bakura looked at his fellow yami and pouted. "What the hell? What do you mean you're 'stuck' searching for Ryou? Don't you like him?"

"… What? Oh come on, Bakura!"

"_Don't you_?" Bakura persisted.

"W-Well he's okay. He's just… clingy."

"Clingy? Marik, how dare you! You wouldn't like it if I said something like that about Malik!"

"Ha. I wouldn't care."

Malik gasped. "_Hey_!"

"This is not helping!" Mokuba waved his arms about, gaining their attention. Most of it anyway.

They looked down at him.

"Listen," he said quickly, "if you help me find Seto then maybe we'll find Ryou on the way! You've got to admit, it is strange, Ryou missing, then my brother, then all of Kaiba Corp. Don't you think there's some kind of connection?"

"No," Bakura said. "But I'll give it a shot anyway."

"Great! Marik? Are you coming?"

Marik began to stutter incoherently. He did not want to go on a wild goose chase for Seto Kaiba but then again, he didn't want to be the one stuck at home to guard the furniture. "Fine," he said nonchalantly.

Mokuba and Malik cheered and Bakura eyed Marik warily. Mokuba smiled. "So where do we begin?"

There was silence. Everyone turned to Marik.

"… Huh? Me? Well what… Ugh. Alright, well I guess the most _logical_ thing to do—"

Bakura stifled a giggle.

Marik glared and then continued. "The most logical thing to do is to follow the kidnappers and just take your brother back, Mokuba."

"… Follow them?"

"They're in space, dummy," Malik said and received a slap in return. As he sobbed, Marik continued once again, "As I was _saying_… we could go into town and see who has a spaceship for rent. We'll use that to get up there."

More silence.

Malik rolled his watery eyes. "Oh that has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

"Yeah, Marik," said Bakura. "We all know that renting spaceships is expensive business. We don't have any money for that kinda thing."

"Oh. Yeah."

Mokuba blinked. He waved his hand to get some attention. "Wait, I got it. We can use my allowance from this past week. There's still a little left. We just have to stop off in my room to get it."

They all looked at each other for a second before laughing behind their hands. Malik leaned down and patted Mokuba's hair. He said, "That is so sweet. How much money do you have?"

"Erm…" He thought for a minute. "About 2.5 million, if we don't count the money in my piggy bank."

Malik face-faulted.

"Everyone over to the rich kid's house!" Marik shouted gleefully.

"YAY!"

* * *

Unfortunately, Bakura's car was in the shop at the time and the bus that Marik and Malik usually took wasn't running due to idiots crowding the streets. So the four of them started off from Sphincter Ave and headed out of East Domino. As they entered Central Domino and walked further and further into the main streets, they noticed that the crowd of dawdling idiots grew larger.

"What is going on?" Marik called out to his companions as they were beginning to separate due to the thickening mob.

"I think the Pope is in town," Bakura called back.

Malik paused. "As a general rule, Bakura should not be allowed first response."

"Hey, I heard that!" Bakura pouted.

Mokuba cried out in anguish.

"What's wrong, Mokuba?"

"Someone stepped on my foot! … And they didn't say sorry!"

Marik groaned. This was taking longer than he thought it would. They could've already been in Northern Domino if not for this huge road block. Suddenly, as the four of them continued to wade through bulky waters, the crowd of people automatically stopped giving way for them to move. Marik pushed at a fat man in front of him but that didn't do anything. He shouted at him, "Hey, get out of the way!"

"Ohhh…" was all he said.

Marik's eye twitched.

Bakura and Malik were both currently beating on the back of some middle-aged men in suits and still, they wouldn't move. Most of the crowd seemed to be starring up towards Northern Domino but because of the height of some of them, they couldn't see.

Bakura growled. "Can anyone see what they're starring at?"

"… Hold on, I'll go check."

Mokuba, unlike the other three, was able to get down on his knees and crawl between the people's legs, however uncomfortable it may have been for him. After creeping underneath the better half of the swarm, Mokuba came up in a clear spot and, still not being able to see very well, he climbed atop a very tall man's head. He sat on the man's bald cranium and shaded his eyes with his hand.

"Well? What do you see?" Malik asked.

"Oh my gosh. It's the spaceship! Hey, you guys, it's right there!" Mokuba shouted, continuously jerking his pointer finger to the object floating right over Domino City Park. In the clearing where only trees and a few benches surrounded, the large metal-cased heart was hovering silently but did not go unnoticed.

Policemen began to surround the thing, their guns up and cocked but their voices a little less than threatening.

"A-A-Alright, you alien, you…" one cop stuttered almost incoherently at the craft. "Come out with our… t-t-tentacles up…!"

Mokuba rolled his eyes. "Oh for Pete's sake. Marik, do something!"

"Why do _I_ have to do something? _Your_ brother's in there! And you're closer!"

"Hey, guys, look at that!"

Everyone turned their attention to where Bakura's voice rang from, his eyes focused not on the spaceship but on the giant television scene on front of a nearby building and the somewhat smaller ones attached to neighboring shops. The screens turned from the currently popular show _Cooking with Dick Chaney_ to static and then a familiar face appeared through the grainy display.

Bakura's eyes widened.

"_RYOU_?"

"Hi, 'Kura!" Ryou squealed and waved happily at Bakura down in the crowd below. He looked around and picked out Marik, Malik and Mokuba from the large group as well. "Hi, _guys_! Guess where I am?" He didn't give them time to guess. "I'm in that ship over there! I guess I left in such a hurry a few days ago that I forgot a few things so I came back to pick them up."

"W-Wait a minute, slow down," Malik said, looking back at the ship. "Pick what up? And just where did you go?"

Ryou giggled madly. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Ryou, where's my brother?" Mokuba demanded, still atop his own personal bald man.

"Oh, he's working. He's not in the ship with me, if that's what you're asking. I dropped him off at home along with the rest of Kaiba Corp's scientists and whatnot."

"Huh?"

Bakura tapped his foot impatiently. "Ryou, I want you off that spaceship and back down here; we've been worried about you!"

"My poor little 'Kura. You've been lonely, haven't you?"

"_No_—"

"C'mon then," Ryou said and the screens were suddenly blank. The boys looked at each other for a moment before the spaceship in the center of the park began to spin. It rotated counterclockwise faster and faster until a green light from the tip appeared and ran over the perimeter including the crowds of people just beyond the park's limits. Sirens that seemed to come from the craft sounded loudly and were deafening to most.

The masses all screamed disjointedly and ran in all directions with their hands over their ears. The bell from the craft was at such a high pitch that it caused animal-like confusion and sent them into panic, running into one another and falling down helpless like wounded cows. Mokuba's bald man was still on the run and Mokuba held on to his head for dear life, screaming at the top of his lungs, "_HELP ME_!"

Marik had tried to get out of the way of the herds but was cornered and trampled over. Mokuba saw this from his spot high above the others and spotted both Malik and Bakura at the edge of the park on their knees, hands over their ears. Mokuba tried to shout over the noise, "GET MOVING," but wasn't heard and the bald man that carried him was suddenly taken down accidentally by an inexperienced policeman's gun. Mokuba fell into the heap.

The green light from the tip of the heart slowed its rotation and scanned the ground gradually. In its final go-around people started to disappear in the beam. A few here and a few there evaporated and were launched into the belly of the ship. The siren stopped and Malik looked up, his hands slowly coming down into the grass. The shaft of light from the ship was making its way towards him and Bakura, who was on the ground, knocked out.

Malik gasped and grabbed hold of Bakura's arm, yanking his torso up and off the ground. "C-Come on, Bakura," Malik said through gritted teeth. "Ra, you're heavy!"

Malik hobbled only about three yards more before the green light caught up with both of them.

Everything was quiet then and the largest screen across the street came back online, Ryou's face lighting it up. He surveyed the area. "Woo," he whistled. "What a mess. Teehee, they're gonna need one hell of a cleanup crew!"

The screen clicked to white noise and the spaceship took a heavy liftoff and headed upwards.

* * *

Her Sweetness: Thanks for reading, please review! 


	3. Fly Away Home

Her Sweetness: Thanks for all the uber great feedback, you guys! Anyways, I guess I better tell you this now. I will once again be doing the Reviewer Choice Awards. The categories may change or they may stay the same, I dunno yet.

The Inspiration Award, however, will remain and the prize will be the same. Sadly, you can't win this Award twice in a row. (Sorry, Compy!)

Work hard, you guys! I'll be watching…

(Enjoy!)

* * *

A Tale of Two Bunnies 

Chapter 3:

It was about an hour later in Central Domino when the bunches of unconscious people laying on the ground began to stir. True that they were less than half of the number that came to the park that day but that was not the first thing noticed. What first came into the awakening peoples' minds was the quiet. Lack of that horrible siren was appreciated but the coldness without it was a bit terrifying.

From in the middle of the intersection, right beneath the streetlights, two people moved but not by themselves. A few more wiggles and Marik came up, flinging a limp little girl out of the way and into the gutter. He growled to himself and looked around. "Alright, what the freak just happened?"

"Marik! Marik!"

At suddenly hearing his name being called, Marik turned around and out of the rising fallen, he saw a little red thing running at him. Marik's eyes widened a bit too late after he'd been tackled back to the ground by what was apparently Mokuba, sobbing and hugging him.

"W-What the…? Mokuba, is this _blood_ all over you?" Marik asked, pulling back from the boy to look at his shirt which was covered in the red liquid.

Mokuba cried, "The guy who I was with got shot and he _fell_ on me! I was suffocating, I thought I was gonna die!"

Marik blinked and looked around. "Where're Bakura and Malik?"

"I-I think they got abducted by Ryou! Look, they're not anywhere around here and there aren't half the amount of people that were here before that spaceship when all nuts on us." He sniffed and ran his sleeve across his eyes, wiping the blood off his lashes. "Man, this really sucks…"

All of a sudden, some of the people who were remaining began to panic all over again. They began to call out names of people who, Marik guessed, they were with at the time the spaceship appeared. Marik looked back at the boy who was standing next to him, covered in blood. He grimaced.

_Great_, he thought, _Just great. Ryou's flying around in a spaceship, my hikari and best friend are both gone and I'm stuck with Captain Kangaroo here._

Marik sighed. "Well now we have no choice but to go after them. C'mon, Mokuba, let's go to your house."

"Alright," he said and they began once again in the direction of the Kaiba mansion, their group now considerably smaller. On their way through the streets of Domino, walking side-by-side there weren't many words spoken between the two and that was just fine with Marik. Mokuba, however, was more than a little awkward. He kept trying to start comfortable conversation but Marik kept shooting him down.

"Erm… So," Mokuba began, scratching the back of his head, "Marik, do you—"

"No."

"… Well have you—"

"No."

"…"

"…"

Mokuba sighed.

They continued the rest of their small journey in silence. Their footsteps led them into Northern Domino, the ritzy part of town and the neighborhood of the richest families in Domino, one of which—and probably the most prominent—being the Kaiba family. Mokuba led the way up to their front gate which was actually a good mile and a half away from the actual mansion. Mokuba inserted a cardkey in the front gate and they continued up to the house, opening the door with the same cardkey.

The foyer of the manor was large and hallow with naught but glossy hard-wooden floors surrounding the entry doors and then maroon carpeting off to the left side and leading into the living part of the house or thereabouts. Mokuba motioned for Marik to follow him up through the first hallway and up the staircase that wound around an elegant pillar in the middle of the reception area.

"This place is huge," Marik said as they entered another hallway. "How do you even remember where everything is?"

"Oh, I've got a good memory. But sometimes my big brother doesn't remember too well. Last week we lost three potted palms because he couldn't find the bathroom in the dark."

Marik blinked.

"Here we are," Mokuba said, ignoring Marik's obvious uneasiness with the sudden revealed secret of his brother. He instead opened a large door and entered a room with dark blue carpeting and light blue walls, Spirited Away posters and memorabilia being the main theme. "Welcome to Chez Mokuba," he said, presenting the room to Marik.

"… Yeah, yeah." Marik scooted him out of the way and began to root around in his dresser drawers. "So where's all this money you talked about?"

"In a tube sock under my pillow."

Marik looked up. "Tell me you're kidding."

"I'm kidding."

"Really?"

"No."

"How the hell do you fit 2.5 million dollars in a sock?" Marik asked and was too eager to let Mokuba explain. He raced over to the bed, threw the pillow away and there was a lone tube sock. He looked inside and found a check for 2.5 million dollars signed by Seto Kaiba.

Marik groaned. "A _check_?"

"So what were you expecting? Cash?"

"Uh, duh."

Mokuba frowned. "Well… there's still my piggy bank but—"

"Oh yeah! That's right, you said not including the money in your piggy bank! Where is it? How much money's in it?"

"Three dollars and eighty-five cents."

"…"

"Sorry, Marik," Mokuba smiled sorely and shrugged. "But I'm still underage, I don't have access to all of Kaiba Corp's money."

"Well isn't that adorable? Ugh, now we can't rent a spaceship! Have you ever heard of someone getting that kinda fly-power for small change?"

There were a few seconds of silence before Mokuba began to pout. "It would be better if we didn't need the stupid rocket or whatever. If we needed a car, we have tons of those… or that hover car…"

"We don't need a _car_, we—What'd you say?"

"Who, me?"

"No, the guy standing behind you. Yes, you! What'd you say about a hover car? Kaiba has one?"

"Seto's been working on it lately but it's not finished. He wanted it to go along with his Blue Eyes jet but that's in for repairs right now. One day Seto flew too low over a luau and burned off the left wing."

"… You're brother's probably pissed at you for telling all his business. Anyway, let's go have a look at that hover car." Marik got up from the bed and tossed the check aside. As he left the bedroom, Mokuba followed him out.

"We can go see it," he said, "but we can't take it out of the house. It's not finished."

"Fine, whatever."

They went down another two hallways until they came to another large door with the letters SK in silver on the door. Mokuba opened it and entered the room with Marik behind. Mokuba walked across the dim blue carpet and slid a plant out of the way, revealing a small slit in the wall. He then used his oh-so-handy cardkey, sliding it in and out and took a few steps back. Marik watched with mild surprise as the wall pushed itself in and then up, disappearing into the ceiling and leaving a large, gaping hole in the back of Kaiba's bedroom.

Marik looked down at Mokuba. "Are these kind of things all over your house?"

"Yeah."

They walked inside, Marik more cautiously than Mokuba. The smaller of the two flicked on a light switch and in the middle of a barren, chrome covered room stood what looked like a red beetle.

"Well, there it is," Mokuba shoved his hands into his jean pockets. "It's red because we ran out of blue paint. That and Seto was feeling a little rebellious."

"Hmm." Marik went over and inspected the car, circling round and round it. He opened the door on the driver's side and sat down on the leather seat inside. "Where're the keys?" he asked, eyes focused on the new controls.

Mokuba held up his cardkey. "Right here, but—"

"Is that the key to _everything_? Never mind, don't answer that. Give it here." Marik snatched it from the boy's hands and slid it into the slot beside the steering wheel. The dashboard lit up with decorative lights and the engine started. Marik smirked. "It looks fine to me. Hop in."

"… _What_? Marik, I told you, it's not finished! It might not even be able to lift us off the ground!" Mokuba shouted and Marik pulled the boy into the passenger's seat despite his whining. Mokuba continued as the doors closed and locked with the push of a button, "And even if it could, it's not going to be able to get us into space! It's a _hover_ car, it _hovers_!"

"Oh shut up."

"Hey!"

Marik pressed down on the gas and the car lurched foreword and stopped. Mokuba screamed, "What the heck just happened?"

"Oops. Hold on." Marik tried again and the car lurched backwards this time, running in a circle then ramming into the wall. Marik blinked. "Alright, hey, here we go. I forgot to shift gears."

"Oh my gosh, Marik no!"

Marik ignored him once again and started off, pulling back on the gear in between his seat and Mokuba's and pressing down strongly on the gas pedal. The car hummed and then rose up about five inches off the ground. Marik crinkled his nose. "This is it? Pheh. I'll make it go higher."

"WAIT—"

The car zoomed foreword and went straight for the wall. Mokuba covered his eyes and continued to scream while Marik gritted his teeth and blasted through the wood and plaster. The windshield cracked a little on the side and the front license plate fell off as they took a fall from the fourth story of the mansion to the grounds below, barely maintaining their three inch float.

Marik turned the wheel and they were suddenly heading north, crashing through the gate that they had entered through and zooming through the streets.

"We gotta get enough speed to go higher," Marik said and pushed the pedal further down. "_Why aren't we going faster_?"

"_IT IS NOT FINISHED_!" Mokuba wailed, tears flowing. "_Can't you understand that_?"

"I can _understand_ that you're almost as annoying as Malik. And that's saying a hell of a lot. Now shut up."

People on either side of the car were blinking as it zipped by, watching it's slowly levitating form. They gained about five inches going down Holier Than Thou Blvd and continued to gain inches here and there by using parked cars for ramps.

By the time they reached Domino's city limits—and neither of the boys were aware they had even gone out of the city—the car had five feet in the air and was going steadily at 102 miles per hour. Mokuba was sitting intensely still in his seat, eyes scanning the stretch of land before them. There was grass on either side of the car and a long sand-covered road in front.

Mokuba rigidly turned to his companion. "Marik… please…"

"Your brother's car is crap, Mokuba. Where's the speed? I thought your brother was supposed to be all technological."

"I've been trying to tell you—"

"Hmm. What's that?" Marik took one hand off the steering wheel and pointed to in-between Mokuba's legs. Mokuba blinked and looked down at a button that said above it: HS. "What's HS stand for?"

"I dunno. Must be something my brother just added. But to be safe, we shouldn't press it."

"…" Marik leaned over and pressed it.

"DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR—ACK!"

Mokuba's seat flipped backward and tossed Mokuba into the backseat of the car. Marik's eyes because happy and glossy as he looked at a pad that was revealed under the boy's seat. It had three pegs, each one a different color. Marik, without any regard for consequences, yanked on the yellow peg and the car stalled before the speedometer changed boards from 0 through 140 to 150 through 500 miles per hour. Marik pressed the gas pedal again and they rocketed out of sight at 347 miles per hour.

Mokuba was pressed up towards the back window, screaming his head off and Marik was pressed up against the back of his chair, trying hard to keep control.

"YAHOO!" he shouted, obviously having the time of his life. He struggled to reach down and pulled on a lever that inclined the car's frame at a 45 degree angle. "WE'RE SURE TO GET SOME FLY-POWER NOW!"

Mokuba's eyes were shut. "WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Somewhere on the coast of California, on a locally popular nude beach sat two teenagers in lawn chairs. The only pieces of clothing either of them had on were red and blue sunglasses that were obviously too big for their faces and flip-flops that hung off their feet and dropped to the sand. 

The slightly taller of the two boys lowered his glasses to the other one. "Yugi, remind me again why we came to Big Ball Beach for vacation?"

Yugi sighed. "Because that's all we could afford on our budget."

"… But coming here didn't cost anything."

"Exactly."

"_Ohhh_…"

Yami replaced his sunglasses and settled back in the chair. He blinked but it went unnoticed. "Hey, Yugi, hasn't your grandpa been gone an awful long time?"

"Nah, not really. He always takes a lot time at vending machines, sometimes he forgets how to use them." Yugi paused, looking behind him. "Here he comes."

Yami looked back as well and sure enough there was Grandpa, wrinkled and naked, waddling over to them with two soda cans in his hand. He handed one to Yami and the other to Yugi. Yugi looked at his in dismay. "Grandpa, I wanted _diet _Coke."

"Oh, Yugi, not this again…"

Yami rolled his eyes. "Yugi, you're not fat."

"Don't say the F-word around me," Yugi warned, narrowing his eyes.

Grandpa shrugged. "Would it help, Yugi, if I told you that both diet Coke and regular Coke are made with bug limbs?"

"Stop saying things like that!" he yelled.

Suddenly Grandpa stood still and looked up towards the sky. He said, "Did either of you hear that?"

"Hear what?" they asked in unison.

"I'm not sure but… Hey! Look! Up in the sky!"

"We're not going to do that whole 'it's a bird, it's a plane' thing, are we?"

"No, _really_!" Grandpa persisted and pointed upwards. Both boys looked that way and squinted their eyes when they saw what looked like a little red car flying by. It was then that they heard what Grandpa must've, a high-pitched screech coming from said car.

Yami blinked. "Whoa. Hey, Yugi, how many flying cars are there?"

"Not… many… Uh… Ah… Hey! Look out, come on! It's crashing!" Yugi shouted, jumping out of his lawn chair. The car came closer to the beach and the screaming got louder and louder. Yugi flailed his arms, "Yami, Grandpa, run!"

Yami starred at it. "Can't… it's so shiny…"

"YAMI!"

The car then took what seemed like a fifty foot drop and went ramming to barely a foot above the sand. Grandpa dove out of the way and was covered in wet sand resulting from the car's passing by. He heard more screaming while buried beneath the lawn chairs and spilled sodas. When he emerged, he looked around but to his confusion and worry, did not see his grandson or the boy's yami.

Grandpa looked up and watched Yami and Yugi on the roof of the car, arms and legs flailing for as far as he could see them.

* * *

Her Sweetness: Yay! Review time, review time! Please and thank you! 


	4. The Roll Over: Back and Forth

Her Sweetness: Thank you, well-wishers! I think I got some of my ties now. About 20 percent out of 100 but, like I said, don't worry. If all else fails, I'll just make up crap like I usually do…

Hell, I did that with A Tale of Two Idiots and no one seemed to care…

Eh… speaking of "crap", I'll be pushing the limits of science and logic with this fic, so don't be surprised if you see a few things that might make Albert Einstein (and Claire) roll over in his (and her) grave (and chair).

* * *

A Tale of Two Bunnies

Chapter 4:

There was a groan amongst the group of sleepers in the belly of the ship. Malik's lavender eyes fluttered open and he whimpered in his still drowsy state. The metal flooring beneath him shifted as the aircraft he was in docked and Malik tipped over, sliding back until he banged his head against the chrome wall. He flipped back over and held his head down by the floor, moaning, "Oh, ow, ow, ow…!"

"Malik?" a voice called to him.

Malik looked up. Bakura was standing in front of him, surrounded by curled up people on the floor, obviously still sleeping. Bakura motioned towards them, "How long have we been out of it?"

"Dunno," he said. "Where… Crap, are we inside that spaceship?"

"I guess. Which means Ryou can't be very far away. Ooh, he's going to get one hell of a talking-to when I see him. He shouldn't be playing with alien crap, it's dangerous."

Malik blinked. "Talking-to, eh?"

Suddenly the door on the east side of the large column in the center of the room unlocked. It slid backwards into the wall and out came a woman in a red dress lined with pink lace. It was less than two seconds later that the woman was proven to be Bakura's hikari gone horribly awry.

"Hey there, 'Kura," Ryou smiled and waved, walking over to the two in the corner.

Bakura stared.

"What's wrong? Aren't you happy to see me?"

"…"

Ryou folded his arms over his chest. "Say something!"

"… Damn."

"What's that mean? Bakura?" Ryou's eyes began to water. "D-Do you hate me now?"

"What? No, it's just that… yeah, um… you're wearing a dress…"

"_And_?"

Malik spoke up hurriedly from his spot on the floor between the two look-alikes. "It's really pretty, Ryou! Where'd you get that material? I bet you had to special order."

Ryou immediately brightened up and dove down, throwing his arms around his best friend. "Oh, Malik! I'm so glad you like it! I swear, you're the only one who gets me." He turned on his yami. "Bakura, you should be ashamed," he said darkly.

"What? Excuse me for not sissifying myself just to suit your weirdness!"

Ryou ignored him. He looked into Malik's eyes and held him by the shoulders firmly. "Malik, you're my best friend. It saddens me to do this to you."

"… Huh?"

Before Malik had a chance to say anything more, Ryou pulled from behind his back a burlap sack and a piece of rope. He threw the bag over Malik's head and wrapped the rope around his neck, securing it.

"Mmmph! Mmm!" Malik shouted, muffled.

Bakura blinked. "What the hell?"

"Alrighty then!" Ryou smiled and clasped his hands together. "Please come in now," he called towards the open door. A few thuds were heard, obviously people coming down the stairwell inside the pillar. Bakura nearly fainted when a large, blue creature walked out. It's three eyes scanned the room and he pointed a wet, two-fingered claw out towards the people in holding. "Let's hurry this up," it said in a gruff voice. More creatures of different heights, variations and smells filed out of the pillar and each picked up however many humans they could hold which was (in some cases) up to ten.

"W… What the… Ryou, are we in the Shadow Realm or something? 'Cause I've never seen monsters like these before!"

"'Kura! What a terrible thing to say; they are not monsters."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should be ashamed. Never mind the extra limbs, lack of hair, clothes _and_ genitalia!" he screamed and scrambled out of the way of one who walked by.

Ryou glared. "The only thing sarcasm will get you is a smacked bottom."

"_What has gotten into you_?"

Malik was on the floor, clawing at Bakura's pant leg. "Air…!" he mumbled but it came out as: "Mar…!"

Bakura pointed towards him. "And why are you suffocating Malik? Not that I care, but Marik won't be at all happy with you when he can't bang Malik while he's sleeping anymore."

Malik's eyes widened inside the bag. "_MMPH_!"

"… Shit, that was supposed to be a secret."

"Empress, shall we take this one, too?" said the enormous creature which had first walked out of the pillar. He directed that question at Ryou and Ryou in turn nodded. He called after him, "Siff, do be a dear and cut some air holes into that bag on his face. Place him in the holding cell down the hall from my bedroom until I get there and _do not _take off that bag!"

"Yes," he said and then they were gone, the room finally empty, all but Ryou and Bakura.

"… Did he just call you _Empress_?"

"Oh, Bakura!" Ryou cried, latching onto his other half. "There's so much to tell you!"

"… Yes, I'm sure there is. But I think—"

"C'mon, 'Kura." Ryou grabbed a hold of Bakura's hand and they went up the staircase, Bakura groaning on the way up.

* * *

Meanwhile, a little red car was racing about three feet off the ground, still trying to gain more height. Marik, who had previously had only a small amount of control over the vehicle was now straining not only to drive but to see where he was going. Unfortunately, after he'd gotten the car up to about fifty feet in the air, they hit a bird and came crashing down, picking up a few things.

Marik's vision was blinded by two naked bodies, floundering all over the place. Upon further inspection, the bodies were recognized as Yami and Yugi. Marik growled, "Get the hell off the windshield, you freeloaders!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Mokuba, who still resided in the back seat shouted to Marik, "They can't jump! Push the button to your left, Marik!"

Marik only halfway listened and pressed the button to the right of the steering wheel. At that point, the side panels of the car flung off from the body of the car and disappeared in the passing sand. From out of the slender holes on either side of the car, two wings slid out, red like the car that held them and glossy in the glint of the sun. They were about five feet in total wingspan and Marik blinked at them.

"Should've found those earlier…" he mumbled.

"The LEFT button! Marik, push the LEFT!"

"I can hear you, stop screaming in my ear!"

"Hurry up and do it!"

Marik was very inclined not to but, out of curiosity for said button, he pressed it anyway. Immediately the windshield rolled down and Yami and Yugi, fell into the car; Yami tumbled into the backseat on top of Mokuba and Yugi flapped up against Marik, resting on the yami's spiky hair like a limp rag doll.

Yugi looked down, his amethyst eyes meeting Marik's lavender. "… Hi, Marik—"

"Get off me!" Marik shouted, shaking his head wildly resulting in another person being flung on top of poor Mokuba. Marik grimaced. "That's just nasty… What's wrong with you two, huh? Naked in public! You're just like Malik."

"We weren't doing anything wrong, Marik," Yami growled, getting up from the traumatized Mokuba.

"Yeah," Yugi added. "We were at a nude beach!"

"Oh that makes everything better." Marik rolled his eyes.

Yugi and Yami ignored him and looked down at the younger Kaiba brother, waving their hands in his face. "Mokuba? Oh, are you alright? Were we too heavy?"

"Yes, but," he started to rise from the floor of the car, "it wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't been totally naked with your yoo-hoos _in my face_!"

The teens exchanged glances. "Hey Mokuba… let's _not_ tell your brother about this, alright?" Yugi asked sweetly.

"Humph!"

Marik shifted gears once again. "Alright, alright. You've fulfilled your sick pleasures with a young innocent boy, now get out. We're in the middle of important errands and we don't need extra baggage."

"What kind of important errands?" Yami cocked his head to the side.

"None of your business!"

"Well I think they should stay," Mokuba countered. Marik eyed him through the rearview mirror. "Yeah, because if we're ever going to rescue my brother, Malik and Bakura, we're going to need calm heads! And Marik, let's face it, you're… not at all calm."

Marik sulked. "Well thank you for saying so."

Yugi turned his attention to Mokuba. "So they've been kidnapped? By who?"

"Ryou."

"…"

"…"

Yugi and Yami looked at each other and laughed.

"_Seriously_," Mokuba insisted. "It's true, something happened to Ryou and now he's gone and kidnapped them along with some of Domino! Marik and I were there when it happened today!"

"We believe you," Yugi assured him. "But Ryou? I mean, he's…"

"A strawberry cupcake," Marik said, rolling his eyes.

"Exactly!"

Mokuba blinked, a little more disturbed by the thought of Marik referring to Ryou as a tasty pastry than Yugi must've been. He shrugged it off. "Strawberry cupcake or no, Ryou has my brother. And there's no telling what he could be doing to him up in _space_. So you see—"

Marik gasped suddenly, "Alright everyone strap in!"

They all looked up at him. "Wha—OH MY FREAKING RA!" Yami yelled, pointing over Marik's head at the obstacle they were racing towards. An enormous individual rock mass, a sunset red color was getting larger by the second and Marik shifted the lever by his right foot, angling the car higher. (1)

When the boys saw that Marik wasn't making any drastic swerves to dodge the rock, Yugi buried his face into Yami's chest and muffled his own screams and Yami continued to yell at Marik to do something. Mokuba, meanwhile, was snuggled into the left corner of the backseat, his arms folded over his stomach, trying to hold back all the vomit he felt rising.

"M-M-Marik…" he mumbled and Marik was too busy verbally combating Yami to notice.

"MARIK, IF YOU KILL MY HIKARI, I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!"

"JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND STRAP IN; WE'RE GOING TO USE THE ROCK AS A RAMP!"

"… YOU'RE _INSANE_!"

The car's noises changed rapidly from a smooth humming to the angered buzzing of a hornet as Marik's foot pressed all the way down on the gas pedal, forcing the car to its current max of 500 MPH. They were all pushed to the back of their seats and suddenly hit the roof of the car hard as the car hit the first part of the rock with a crash and jumped up, flipping foreword and tossing them all around, except Marik and Mokuba who had sense enough to put on their seatbelts.

Marik veered off the straight path to avoid a large bump on the surface and Yami and Yugi's faces were pressed up against the side window. Mokuba cried out as the seatbelt pinched into his skin and they were then jerked back to the opposite side as Marik swerved again.

"_Get ready for the hard part_," Marik was heard shouting just above the roar of the engine.

Yami and Yugi gasped. "_HARD PART_?"

Mokuba sobbed, "SETO!"

As the top of the formation emerged, Marik leaned over and forced down the yellow lever. The car stalled for just a second and as soon as each of the boys in the backseat open their eyes, Marik yanked on the green lever just above it. The speedometer's board flipped again from the range of 150 through 500 MPH to 550 through 1,225 MPH. Marik stepped on the gas pedal and shot the car off the rock and up into the air, rocketing at around nine hundred and fifty miles per hour.

Without much of a problem, they launched themselves through the troposphere and into the stratosphere, going higher and higher. Mokuba's seatbelt released him and the boy went right up against the rear windshield with Yami and Yugi, all three of them screaming inarticulately with their cheeks flapping behind their teeth. Marik's seatbelt left him to fend for himself as well but he kept one foot on the bottom of his seat and held onto the steering wheel for dear life as well as the gas pedal.

The ground was far behind them then and at one point—though no one was sure when—the friction of the car breaking out of the atmosphere caused a bit of a fire under the hood. The windshield washers activated automatically and put most of it out. The speed from the green gear slowed when Marik pushed it down and the regular speed range reemerged on the speedometer.

He sat back and sighed. "… Well that wasn't too bad."

Yami nearly choked. "W-Wasn't too bad? Marik, you're unfit to have a driver's license in even the most lenient of states, I—"

"_License_? That's sissy stuff."

"…!"

"I-Is everyone okay? Mokuba?" Yugi looked across his dazed yami to see Mokuba on the floor, upside down with his feet dangling above his head. "Oh my gosh, Mokuba!"

"Don't touch me," he said. "I'm in this position because I wanna be."

"Oh…"

* * *

As Bakura was led out of the main room of the heart-shaped spacecraft, he was confused as to how he felt about the surroundings outside of the ship. His sneakers clinked onto the long, slender chrome bridge connecting the docking bay to off beyond his sight. He looked down one way and down the other to find that hundreds—thousands—of ships were accompanying the one they'd been in and some were ten times larger.

On the long strip linking the isles of foreign ships together, Bakura shivered to see other creatures walking around—some crawling, slithering or floating—on the docks, holding clipboards or moving boxes.

There were a lot of things he couldn't right off understand. One of them being the reason it was so dark outside with the only sources of light coming from the lanterns on every post of the dock. Bakura could only see about forty yards each way and beyond that—darkness.

He turned around and saw Ryou exiting the ship with the blue, three eyed being he'd seen earlier, Siff. Bakura watched as Ryou turned around, his hands balled into plushy fists.

"Say, 'Kura…" Ryou tilted his head. "You haven't seen Marik on board the ship have you? We checked everywhere and he's not here!"

"I think he and Mokuba got away."

"G-Got away? Got away where?"

"Well last I checked—Hey, wait a minute!" Bakura narrowed his eyes. "I'm not telling you a thing until you tell me what's going on. I want to know where we are, _why_ you're in a dress and what the hell is up with these things!"

Ryou sighed heavily. He then smiled and hooked his arm through his yami's. He led them onto the first pad of the bridge off into oblivion, Siff getting on behind them to Bakura's dismay, and the square began to move. "Well first I guess I better show you our new house," Ryou said and looked at Bakura expectantly.

"New house, huh? Does it have two bathrooms?"

Ryou nodded. "It's good to know you haven't changed, 'Kura."

"… Eh?"

The ride on the metallic square was quiet all except Ryou's humming of "Bicycle Built For Two". The darkness was kept at bay by the lantern that Siff held in his second to left hand. Suddenly, over the horizon was a blue glow that grew and grew as they neared. A neon colored tower rose into the sky, haloed by the cerulean radiance. They soon came to the end of the bridge and the pad stopped just beyond the front door of what Bakura now saw as a tall palace towering up into the gloom above and around.

The castle stretched left and right for as far as Bakura cared to see, all of it illuminated; the windows filled with light and shadows of unknown creatures dwelling inside. Ryou walked ahead and Bakura followed, wide-eyed, walking in after his hikari as the door opened for them and they stepped into a glass elevator, lifting them up.

"So… we live on what floor?"

Ryou giggled. "All the floors, silly. This whole place is ours!"

Bakura blinked. "Wow, did someone rich in your family kick the bucket? Just the electricity bill alone must cost half of what keeps Las Vegas running."

"No, I didn't _inherit_ the place."

Siff pressed one of the many buttons on the back of the elevator and it stopped at floor ten. The doors opened for them and they walked into a large polished area with a rainbow of lights overhead.

Bakura immediately squinted his eyes as Ryou led him on through the room. "What the hell? What's with the whole fairytale motif, Ryou? This isn't The Little Mermaid."

"I think it's pretty! But don't worry, you get to decorate some stuff, too. I didn't forget about my wittle 'Kura!"

"Well… um, good… I think… _Hey, what the hell_?"

Bakura literally jumped off the ground as a purple hovering thing in the shape of a sippy-cup came up behind the two of them. He raised his one claw to his forehead and stammered out of his spout: "E-Empress Ryou, the m-m-monitors are ready for you in the observatory. C-Channels linked to all stations are r-ready and f-functional."

"Thank you! Let's go, 'Kura, we've got stuffs to do."

"But what about the—"

"Later, we'll handle it _later_," Ryou hissed.

The next few minutes were a blur to poor Bakura but the next thing he knew, he was in a blue and purple gown and a blue orchid in his hair. He looked down at himself, speechless. All that escaped him were little gasps of shock. Ryou clasped his hands together admirably. "I just knew those colors would suit you, 'Kura. You're such a spring."

"NOW WAIT JUST A COTTON-PICKIN' MINUTE—"

A bright light went off in Bakura's face and he fell backwards in the chair he didn't remember sitting in. Ryou, who happened to be seated in a cushion-coated chair next to the fallen Bakura smiled at a floating screen five feet in front of them. Bakura struggled to his feet and looked dazedly at the monitor, unaware that his face was currently being broadcasted to every VDT on every planet surrounding the sun.

Ryou waved an enthusiastic arm around his head and shouted out, "_Hell-o, Milky Way_! This is your dearly beloved Empress Ryou, just here to give you a little info on the success of my latest venture… And I am _uber_ happy to present to you your newest Empress Bakura! Say hello, sweetie!"

Bakura's baffled gaze at the screen soon turned from confusion to an emotionless stare.

* * *

Her Sweetness: Review, please!

(1) By the way, the rock I was referring to was Uluru. I'm sure some people made the connection and others didn't so… this is for you guys.


	5. Nitroglycerine

Her Sweetness: Why is it that whenever I'm working on A Tale of Two Kings/Idiots/Bunnies, my work is interrupted by computer troubles? That always happens with these fics. I think they might be haunted.

Run! Run for your lives, readers!

… No, wait, come back! You still have to read!

* * *

A Tale of Two Bunnies

Chapter 5:

Seto Kaiba sighed as they clock ticked away on the wall behind him. He had stopped his flustering about the busy laboratory and stopped to take a few deep breaths. Back when he was CEO of Kaiba Corp, he knew that his scientists weren't exactly the brightest of the bunch but on his good days he could tolerate them for the most part. Now though, as he and his staff were trapped in this place for the time being, he found that they were the most idiotic and useless bunch of Stephen Hawking wannabes he'd ever laid eyes on.

He let out his recently acquired deep breath. "I said it belongs over _there_," he pointed. "Are you freaking deaf?"

The man in the white coat shook his head. "No, sir."

"Then follow directions!"

He nodded and began to walk away but stopped and turned around to face Kaiba. "… But sometimes, I have this awful earache and I think I might be losing my hearing—"

"_I said get!_"

"Yes, sir!" he yipped and ran back into the crowd of Kaiba's incapable personnel.

Kaiba shook his head indignantly and turned back to the long white counter behind him. The counter itself ran halfway around the large fluorescently lit room with not a bit of free space on it. Mostly covered in test tubes, clipboards chockfull of data and the staff's cocoa, Kaiba had to set a few things on the ground to make room for the large tub of nitroglycerine that Number Twenty-four placed next to the counter.

(A while back—when Kaiba Corp's entire staff had quit due to a rumor that had spread about the lobby's snack machine's being haunted—Kaiba was forced to hire an entirely new team of scientists. After driving himself and everyone else completely insane by calling the new staff by the old staff's names, he figured to hell with the whole "name" thing and gave them all numbers. Coincidently, he couldn't remember their numbers so well sometimes and got them confused. A few weeks later, he came up with the brilliant idea of telling his workforce the following: "Whenever I say someone's number, everyone just look at me." They hadn't run into any problems since.)

He sat the nitroglycerine down carefully. Scooting some other chemicals out of the way, he found an ammoniac mixture sitting next to a test-tube of similarly colored cocoa.

Kaiba blinked at the two. "I'm not going to lose my temper…" He paused. "Number One."

Everyone looked up.

"Come over here _now_."

Everyone shuffled over, their ears drooping.

Kaiba pointed to the two containers. "Who the hell put their cocoa next to the ammonia? Huh? I told you all at the beginning we were going to leave our tasty beverages in the freezer! I almost couldn't tell which was which! I could've _ingested_ ammonia!"

Numbers One through Eighty-seven looked at each other, probably wondering what would've been the problem.

Kaiba groaned. "Listen to me, you pitiful excuses for sentient beings! I don't like being here anymore than you do but we're behind schedule and if Ryou comes in here and we haven't made any progress, he's going to go totally sick-house on our asses. I _like_ my ass, gentlemen."

"Yes, sir! We like your ass too, sir!"

"… Oh. Well thank you."

"No prob."

Kaiba blinked. "Okay, well… Um, yeah, let's get to it. Teamwork, determination and all that crap… Number Seven, you come with me."

A man followed Kaiba out of the lab. Someone from the crowd called out, "Hey, I was Number Seven just last week!"

"Shut the hell up!" the new Number Seven called back.

They walked out of the lab and into the hallway just outside of it. After making sure the rest of the free-loaders were still working and not paying attention, Kaiba turned to Number Seven and dry-sobbed loudly.

"Nothing's going right!" he cried into his hands.

Number Seven jumped away, gasping at the sudden surprise of Kaiba's breakdown. He stuttered for something to say. "N-No, Mr. Kaiba, it'll be alright. I know we're a bit slow in production but I'm sure Mr. Ryou will… hey… um, I know this isn't really the time but… should I say Mr. or Ms.? I mean… heh… the dress, you know?"

"There's been no progress since this morning!" Kaiba wailed, ignoring Number Seven's query. "Sure, you people can run around with happy faces all over you 'cause guess who's got to take the blame? Me! Ryou's gonna drag me out by this god-awful white coat and probe me again with that magic wand of his!"

"… Magic… _wand_." Number Seven tilted his head. "Well, I guess everyone has a different name for it."

"Not that, you twat! This… this stick he has!"

"Oh. What's it look like?"

"It's blue and white with a—Wait a minute, I'm not answering that! I have a feeling you're not so interested in what's going to happen to me as you are about stupid old Ryou!"

"Sorry, sir."

"_Sorry, sir_," Kaiba mimicked, pulling a face. "Listen, don't you tell anyone in there about what I just said. This is classified information."

Number Seven blinked stupidly. "What? Ryou's magic wand or you being poked with it?"

"B-Both!"

"'Kay."

Kaiba eyed him wearily and before he could say anything else, a loud voice rang through the halls. Kaiba recognized the high-pitched cheeriness almost immediately and pushed his companion into the shadows of the hallway. Number Seven started to began to ask a question but Kaiba hurried to shush him.

When he peeked around the bump of the door's jamb, Kaiba was able to see two silver-haired teens walking down the way. He squinted and was nearly K.Oed to see that it was Bakura in the blue dress walking beside Ryou. They came closer, Ryou seeming to do most of the talking, and then they stopped in front of the laboratory. Ryou peeked his head inside.

"Hey, anyone seen Kaiba? I need to talk to him."

Bakura looked around. "So this is where Kaiba is. Mokuba's gonna be pissed when he finds out, Ryou."

"Mokuba? Ha, you think I'm scared of a kid?"

"The kid can _bite_."

Kaiba's ears perked up. He released Number Seven and walked into the room. "I'm right here," he said.

Ryou turned around. His eyes brightened as he spoke: "Oh, good! _So_ tell me what good news you have for me!"

"… G-Good news?"

"Yes, good news." Ryou's eyes narrowed.

"GOOD NEWS!" Number Fifteen shouted, holding up a Bible. Someone slapped him.

Bakura starred. "What… was _that_?"

Kaiba shrugged. "He converted to Christianity recently. It can't be helped."

"… I see…" Ryou sighed and waved Kaiba over, dismissing the other scientists back to their tasks. Kaiba trotted over, more or less aware of what was coming. "Kaiba, have you people been doing anything today?" Ryou asked sourly.

"Sure, yes! We've gotten all the groundwork done and…" Kaiba stopped suddenly. "Um, listen. This is a little harder than you think. I mean jeez, look around! I'm crippled here!"

"I thought you were supposed to be the best."

"Who said that?" Kaiba looked around.

"You've had two days!"

"That's not nearly enough time, Ryou—"

"_Hello_. What did you just say? Did you just call me 'Ryou'? No, you couldn't have. Even you would not be that stupid. Are you that stupid, Kaiba? Could you _really_ have just called me _Ryou_?"

_Oh shit_, Kaiba thought, alarmed. He waved his hands frantically. "Empress Ryou," he shouted. "I meant Empress Ryou whose eyes are so big and beautiful and whose yami has a nice rack!"

Ryou instantly relaxed and smiled and poked Bakura on the cheek. "Hear that? We just got a complement, 'Kura."

"Joy."

"Well since you're being so _kind _today, Kaiba," Ryou began and Kaiba tried to ignore the obvious sarcasm, "I'll overlook your crew's incompetence."

Bakura started to laugh insanely. "What? T-They can't control their bladders! _Ha_!"

Everyone looked at him for a few seconds while he continued to guffaw hysterically. Ryou elbowed him lightly after a minute. "'Kura, I said incompetence. Not incontinence. There's a difference."

Bakura stopped. He looked around and Numbers One through Eighty-seven and Kaiba were staring at him intently with looks of a certain amount of expectation. He suddenly cried out, "I-I'm not stupid! I'm not stupid, okay?"

Ryou patted him. "Come along, 'Kura," he said and headed down the hallway. "Kaiba, you follow us, please."

There was a groan which Ryou recognized to belong to Kaiba but he and the less-than-mollified Bakura followed along grudgingly. As they treaded down hallways, ultimately finding themselves in another glass elevator and going up a few floors, Ryou spoke without interruption. "… unfortunately _Marik_ wasn't on board. I went there specifically to pick the both of them up along with Mister Man back there"—Ryou giggled at Bakura's flustered state—"and then came back without one of them! I supposed I'll have to send someone out later to pick Marik up before anything… unfavorable happens. Until then, you have Malik to work with, Kaiba."

"Work with?" Kaiba asked with the faintest of interest.

"Of course. I mean you can do that, right, Kaiba?" Ryou's voice darkened. "In-between your oh-so-busy schedule, I mean. If you could fit me in, I would be ever so grateful."

"Er, no, I mean… um… what am I supposed to do?"

"Not much," was all he said and it was silent until the elevator stopped and they were confronted with a hallway at the end of which was a lone door. They were at it in no time and the doors slid open for Ryou, recognizing his form and he motioned for the other two to follow in. Inside the large room was a ten by twelve foot pedestal about three feet off the ground, bordered on all sides by three white steps. On the pedestal was a cage, the bars themselves made from neon-colored light and a red cushy pillow beneath the person inside.

Malik Ishtar still had the bag over his head only with two holes cut out so he could breath. His voice was less muffled due to the openings. "Who's there?" he asked, sitting on his knees.

Bakura blinked again. "What the hell? Why the cage?"

"Bakura?" Malik recognized the voice. "Help me, get me out of here!" He crawled foreword blindly and fell onto the glowing poles. A shock of electricity ran from the poles into him and he screamed and coughed and hacked as he lay on his stomach.

"You shouldn't touch those, you know," Ryou said almost casually. "They'll hurt you."

"Well no duh!" Malik shouted. "Ryou, I want to know what's going on! I want the bag off me!"

There was a pause. Ryou nodded and walked behind the cell to the control panel, his fingers flying over the light-pad. The bars dissipated around Malik's dizzied form and Ryou, along with Bakura and Kaiba, came up to him. Ryou took the bag off the Egyptian's head.

Malik gasped and coughed. "_Ryou_! What the hell is up with you?"

"Now," Ryou said to Kaiba, ignoring Malik, "take him into that room right there." He pointed to the left, an open door to the side of the control panel. "Inside, there's an open mask made of steal. Put Malik's head in it and then lock it with the key beside it. Then bring him in here and give the key to me. Alright?"

By the end of this little tutorial, Malik's face was all eyes.

Kaiba raised a brow. "Why can't you get one of your freakish heavies to do it?"

Ryou stared at him.

"Okay, okay! I'll do it."

Malik screamed, "No you won't! Stop it! Help me, Bakura!"

Bakura looked from Malik who was currently trying to scramble away from Kaiba and then back to his hikari. "Ryou, what's going on?"

"I'll tell you later. Kaiba, get him out of here."

"NOOOOOOO!" Malik howled as Kaiba dragged the teen by his blond locks to the other room and let the door shut slowly behind them. From the other side, both Ryou and Bakura could hear a stream of words that neither of them were aware Malik knew.

"Well that was freaky," Bakura said after a moment of near-silence. Near because of Malik's still muffled screams in the next room.

Ryou looked at him with sad eyes. "Oh poor 'Kura. You're a bit lost, aren't you?"

"Stop calling me poor! I'm not a kitten! And yeah, I'm lost 'cause you're not telling me a damn thing! I'm in a dress! _Why am I in a dress?_"

"It's a little complicated. Well, first of all, I guess you figured out that I am now ruler of the galaxy."

Bakura blinked. He suddenly gasped, "_No shit?_"

"… You mean you didn't know?"

"No way! Freak! When did this happen?"

"Like… um… I guess two days ago, if you're on Earth. But out here, time is different. It's way slower so we have more time to do things. It was pretty strange, actually. I didn't right off plan to do any of this. I was pretty disorientated after Joey threw that football at me. Then everyone ran away so I went into the Shadow Realm, walked around for a few hours then popped out on Mercury!

"At first, I thought I still was in the Shadow Realm because these funny thingies were running around. I didn't even take two steps before I realized that I couldn't breathe. Everything went black and the next thing I knew, I was being hovered over and all these weird eyes were staring at me. After a lot of rigmarole, Sunny Bunny was built and—"

"Oh, what the hell is Sunny Bunny, huh?"

"You're standing in it."

There was a pause. Bakura made an 'oh' sound and looked around. "The castle, right?"

"Yes, 'Kura."

"Well what's with the sissy name?"

Ryou twisted his mouth. "What would _you_ name it?"

"… Hmmmm… Ummm… Well…"

"…?"

"…"

"…"

"… Uh…"

"Yes?"

"No, wait..."

"…"

"…"

"Yes?"

Bakura went blank for a few seconds then snapped back into action. He pointed his index finger towards the ceiling and shouted out, "Tallywhacker Palace!"

This time it was Ryou's turn to stare at his other half. "What the… But _why_?"

"Because this place kind of looks like one."

"It does not! Shut up!"

"Hey," Bakura said and sidled up next to Ryou. He lowered one eyebrow and gave Ryou 'the look'. "You know I'm not going away until you agree, right? I mean, as I see it, half this place belongs to me. I _am_ Empress Bakura, aren't I? Or is this dress just for nothing?"

"Well…"

"We can compromise, can't we?"

"I'm not sure I—"

Suddenly the door to the other room opened and Kaiba came in, scowling.

Ryou perked up. "How'd it go?"

"That little monkey _bit_ me!"

"Oh, Kaiba, shut up," Bakura sighed. As Kaiba continued to huff around the room, Bakura continued his conversation with Ryou. "Now. How about this… We rename the castle and I don't squawk about whatever you plan on doing to Malik. Sound good?"

Ryou eyed him for a bit. "Alright… but under one condition!"

* * *

Her Sweetness: Thanks for reading, please review on your way out. Oh and in case any of you are wondering just what a 'tallywhacker' is… it's slang for… well, if you don't know, you probably shouldn't be reading this. Heh heh. 


	6. Space Is Like Space, You Know?

Her Sweetness: You're all going to hate me for this but I put offwriting and postingthis chapter because I wanted to post it on my birthday. Which is today. Teehee, I'm so happy to be sixteen!

Enjoy!

* * *

A Tale of Two Bunnies

Chapter 6:

"Well this is lovely."

"You know what, Pharaoh? _You_ can shut up."

Yugi puffed out his cheeks. "That's not very—"

"And so can you."

"…"

Mokuba sighed finally at the silence in the little red car hovering peacefully through the blackness of space. He climbed out of the backseat and replaced himself in the passenger's seat up beside Marik. It made no never mind to Mokuba when Marik eyed him contemptuously as he clasped his seatbelt securely over his chest.

Yami, after recovering from being told to shut his mouth, cleared his throat. "Marik, I'm afraid I can't allow you to endanger my hikari's life any more than you already have. You can drop us off back on Earth."

Marik looked at him. He considered this and finally said, "No."

Yami choked. "W-What do you mean, 'no'?"

"You were the ones who jumped on the car! If anyone, blame Mokuba!"

"Me?" Mokuba squeaked.

"Yes, you! You insisted we open the windshield to let them in! _Your_ fault!"

"Now wait a minute," Yugi said, jumping in to save the day. "I-It's no one's fault, just calm down! Yami, please don't pick fights; I'm alright. No broken bones or anything."

Yami folded his arms across his chest. "Still…"

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. Marik was annoyed at everyone, Yami was clearly upset and Yugi was trying very hard to maintain his cheerful smile. Mokuba scratched the back of his head. "So… where do we go from here?"

Marik's gaze shifted. "What do I look like, a space cadet? This is my first time out of the earth's atmosphere, too."

"Mokuba, was there anything Ryou said that maybe we could use to find them?" Yugi asked.

"… Well… no… To be honest, this is pretty sad. Space is like… space, you know?" He sighed. "They could be anywhere!"

Everyone sweatdropped. Except Marik. His light bulb went off and he began to dig in his back pockets. Mokuba watched him transfer his hands into each of his pockets and finally found whatever it was he was looking for in one of his leg pockets. He held up a small gadget and shouted, "Found it!"

"What is it?" Yami asked dully. "Some kind of torture device?"

"Yup."

"…!"

"Well, I mean, it can be. This," he tapped it, "is actually a tracker."

They blinked.

Marik nodded. "That's right. This is the second half of it, the little green blink. The first part, which is with Malik, gives off a signal and that's this little red blink, see?" He leaned over to show Mokuba, and Yami and Yugi peeked over his shoulder.

"Wow! Okay, I get it." Mokuba smiled. "That red dot is Malik. And since he's with Ryou and so is my brother, we'll find them!"

Yugi gave a happy cry. "That's a great idea, Marik!"

Yami was sulking in the corner of the backseat, his arms across his chest. Marik grinned back at him but Yami turned his head away and huffed.

"This is so cool, it's like something right out of a spy movie." Mokuba was clearly in a state of shock over the little thing. He beamed up at Marik and asked, "So what? Did you stick in Malik's brain?"

"No, I put it on my tongue and jammed it up his—"

"_Hey_!" Yami shouted, covering Yugi's ears. "We don't need to hear all that!"

"I wanna hear it!" Mokuba volunteered hungrily.

Marik raised an eyebrow. "Does your brother know the kind of stuff you're into?"

"No and I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell him."

Suddenly the car was banged against and went sailing about twenty yards away from where they were previously floating aimlessly. Everyone went rocking to the right side of the car and bashed their heads against the metal. Marik immediately scrambled from his new spot on top of Mokuba's head and grabbed a hold of the steering wheel.

"What the hell was that?" he and Yami both called out. They looked at each other.

Yugi pointed between Marik's blond spikes. "Over there! An asteroid!"

"Get your hands out of my hair!"

"Marik, look out!" Mokuba screamed as yet another rock came hurdling towards them, this one a bit bigger than the last. Marik swerved right violently and it missed them by an inch.

Everyone sighed.

"What the heck was that all about," Mokuba panted, looking around. He was quiet for a second and then his stormy eyes widened into dinner plates.

Marik blinked and then looked foreword, his jaw coming unhinged. "Oh… my Ra."

Yami and Yugi looked up and both make squeaky noises from the back of their throats. All around the hover car were more asteroids, different in size and shape and there was very little space between them. It seemed as if they had all appeared suddenly, surrounding them.

Yugi gulped. "An asteroid belt. Wonderful."

"What do we do now?" Yami moaned.

"Oh shut up," Marik said. "If we just maneuver around them, we should be okay."

Mokuba nodded. Marik began to push the gas pedal but was stopped as Yugi, Yami and Mokuba each put a hand on his shoulder. "_Slowly_," they urged.

"I got it. Jeez." He rolled his eyes and soon the car began to putt around the large rocks floating around them. They moved quite often and the passengers were given more than a few scares. In fact, with Marik's constant veering, they nearly wet their pants.

Actually, Yami _did_ wet his pants but no one knew until a few minutes later.

"… The seat's wet." Yugi looked down at it.

Yami patted his hikari's head. "Don't worry about that."

"…"

Yugi narrowed his eyes at Yami but the slightly taller of the two made no gesture that he'd noticed. Yugi decided it would be in his best interest to scoot over into the other corner. So he did and the car suddenly shifted to avoid another asteroid, throwing Yugi off balance and sending him flying into the back of Marik's head. Marik shouted out in pain as his forehead collided with the steering wheel. The car lunged foreword when a button in the middle of the thing was pressed.

The hover car went ramming right into the rock that it had been trying to avoid. Everyone in the car then went flying towards the windshield, their faces smearing saliva against the glass. Mokuba's seatbelt snapped suddenly and he slid over, ramming into Marik's side and pushing them both against the driver's side window. No one was able to gain any sort of coherence when, a second later, another asteroid—a smaller one, the size of the car itself—came whizzing past them and tailgating the car, sending it whirling and right into an asteroid the size of two of Kaiba's mansions.

The left side of the car banged and everyone went rolling to the other side. Almost all the seatbelts had broken with the exception of the unused one in the middle of the backseat. Yugi fell from his spot by the window and tumbled until he flipped the passenger's seat over with his back and landed butt-first on the green lever, sending it jerking up and sending the car rocketing foreword.

They all screamed sounds of terror and confusion, their bodies flying backwards, to the rear windshield. Asteroids on all sides of them moved and they couldn't dodge—no one was able to reach the wheel. Marik tried; he tried to stick out his foot to reach the wheel but it went knocking back and hit Yami in the head violently. The car continued to shoot down the asteroid belt, being bumped and scratched by passing rocks. The paint on the left side was almost all rubbed off and a large chunk of the right wing was completely gone.

"Somebody stop the damn thing!" Marik yelled above the roar of the engine.

Yami growled, "You're tallest!"

"So _what_?" he screamed back and Mokuba thought this was getting them no where very fast. For all they knew, they could be zooming in the opposite direction of wherever his brother might be. He grabbed a hold of the leather upholstery on the seat and crawled down to the floor of the car. Managing to find the front seat with his hands, he groped some more and finally found the green lever. He happily pushed it back to its original position.

The car stopped on a dime and everyone fell foreword. Mokuba, because of his light weight and small size, flipped foreword and his lower back rammed into another button, sending the car plummeting from the black sky and into abyss. The scream was sucked out of everyone.

* * *

Her Sweetness: It's short, I know. But I really wanted to get it out on my birthday! I'll make the next chapter VERY nice and juicy for you all if you'll review, alright? 


	7. The Virgin

Her Sweetness: Heh heh. You know, you guys are spoiled. I used to write chapters that short on a regular basis less than a year ago! But I guess as I have evolved so have you all.

So please enjoy!

— — —

A Tale of Two Bunnies

Chapter 7:

The first to open his eyes was Yugi. And that was more or less because of the awful smell that brought him back to reality. He blinked a few times and was able to look up from his resting place on the floor into the shadows outside of and surrounding the car. He tried to sit up and there was a crook in his back. As soon as Yugi was able to sit up straight though, he clasped both hands tightly over his nose and mouth.

"Oh Ra!" he whispered harshly and looked around.

A second after the whisper, Mokuba's head popped up from the front seat. He had a line of blood flowing from underneath his bangs and forking around his nose but otherwise he seemed unharmed.

He tilted his head. "What's wrong, Yu—Good God!"

His tiny hands clamped on his own nose and then both he and Yugi were looking around for the source of the foul smell. Mokuba forcefully tapped the shoulder of Marik who'd been unconscious right next to him, Marik stirred and then snapped at Mokuba for touching him. Marik looked at both boys and groaned. "Both of you, stop acting like idiots and—Shit!" Marik shouted, covering his own nose.

Yugi narrowed his eyes. "Marik! Kaiba won't forgive you for poisoning Mokuba's mind with your language."

"I'm not _five_," Mokuba said sullenly.

"No," Marik rolled his eyes. "It really does smell like shit! … Speaking of which, where's the Pharaoh?"

"Present," Yami said, popping up next to Yugi. "And, um, sorry for the smell. I guess that fall scared me more than I thought it would."

There was a moment of intense silence.

Marik pointed at him. "I _knew _it!"

Mokuba smacked his hand down. "Stop that. We don't have time for this. Where the heck are we anyway?"

"Um…" They all looked around and found nothing but darkness as Yugi had a few minutes ago when he awoke. Mokuba scooted closer to the window and looked down, finding that the car was actually parked on a reddish-orange ground. His eyes widened and his eyes went back to the sky, or lack thereof.

"Guys," he said shakily, "we're on the ground again."

"Really?" Yugi perked up and went to open the car door.

"_No!_" Marik and Mokuba shouted and grabbed Yugi by the arm, pulling him away from the handle. Marik growled, "We're not on Earth, stupid!"

"Don't call my hikari stupid," Yami countered.

"Hey, I call 'em how I see 'em," Marik said, glaring.

Yugi hurried to calm the rising tension. "Oh, it's alright, Yami. That would've been very stupid of me. If we're not on Earth and I opened the door, I'd let out all our air. We're going to run out soon anyway."

Everyone stared.

"… Huh? What?"

"Run out of _air_?" Yami cried.

"Well of course. I mean, there's four of us and this car is a beetle. It's so small, we're bound to run out of air and soon. I'm actually surprised we're not flopping around like trout on a deck right now."

Everyone stared some more.

"Oh crap," Mokuba said.

Marik's eyes were almost bulging out of his head. "And you didn't mention this before _why_?"

"I-I didn't think it was important—I mean, you were busy and—please don't hurt me!" Yugi held his hands up to guard his face.

"Well this is absolutely fabulous," Marik shouted. "Not only am I trapped with idiots but I'm going to die with them, too!"

"Hey!"

Mokuba had been looking sadly at the ground since the "Oh crap," comment. He agreed that this was pretty sad. He didn't even get close to rescuing his brother but he'd still gotten into space and risked his life being in the same car as Marik, only to die of lack of oxygen? He shook his head and then his light bulb flashed.

"I-I got it!" Mokuba cried happily, raising his hand to get attention.

Yami and Marik were on the verge of war but they stopped to look at Mokuba. He nodded and smiled. "My brother actually has oxygen tanks in the trunk of the car! They're there because when he was painting it, it was so toxic he claimed he needed extra air!"

Yugi squealed and hugged Mokuba tightly. "Oh, that's a great—"

"Hey! You're still naked, get off of me!" He struggled to get out of the grip.

Yami petted his sad hikari on the head while saying, "Well this is great, we now have a plan. But someone has to go get them; they're not going to float in here. And if this planet doesn't have any atmosphere, whoever ventures out there won't have any air to—"

"Thank you, Mister Boring." Marik blinked. "Listen, whoever goes out there can hold their breath and run real fast. Now who's going?"

No one raised their hand.

"Listen, _someone_ has to go! Or do you all want to die right here?"

"Well why does it have to be one of use? Why not you?" Yami asked while narrowing his eyes.

Marik barked a laugh. "Alright, alright. Let's do this the fair way. Whoever's a virgin has to go."

Yugi raised an eyebrow. "What? That doesn't make sense."

"Like hell it doesn't. Listen, if you're a virgin, you have nothing to lose, right? Because you haven't done anything worthwhile!" He winked. "Understand?"

"… Okay…"

"Pharaoh," Marik began, "you a virgin?"

"No." He looked at Yugi.

Yugi nodded. "Ditto. What about you?"

"Hah!" Marik fluffed his hair. "I can't _remember_ the last time _I_ was a virgin. I was born with a smirk on my face and a bottle of lube in my hand."

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Well, if you don't believe me, ask Malik or Bakura or Otogi or—"

"OTOGI?" Yami and Yugi shouted, aghast.

Marik shrugged. "Don't give me that look. He was in the supermarket and one thing led to another…"

"Oh Marik, in the _store_?" Yugi frowned.

"Hey, we were behind the potatoes! It's not like we were in front of everybody."

"… Moving right along," Yami said sternly. They were quiet for a second and then all looked at Mokuba who had been hiding under the dashboard ever since Marik's idea of "sacrificing the virgin" was thrown into the air.

Marik grinned down at him and said in a mock-kind voice, "And what about you, Mokuba? Are you a virgin?" His voice changed back it's normal malicious tone then, "And playing with yourself while your brother's at work does not count."

"W-Wait a minute," he shouted, "I'm not going out there because I'm a virgin! Let's draw straws!"

"No," Marik said and picked the boy up by his hair.

"AHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Yugi gasped. "Marik, be gentle!"

"STOP IT! MARIK, PLEASE!" Mokuba screamed, punching and kicking but with no success of getting down. Marik ordered both Yami and Yugi to get ready to open the door on the passenger's side. They nodded and had their hands on the handle, ready. Marik had Mokuba up to the window and said to him quickly, "Hold your breath and hurry it up out there."

With that last thought, Mokuba was tossed out and his the dusty, hard ground. The car door slammed behind him. When he looked up, three faces were pressed against the glass and three sets of eyes were watching him as if he were a bug in an exhibit. With a mouth full of air, Mokuba jumped up—jumping highly that he thought was normal—and ran towards the trunk. When he reached it he realized that he needed the key card to open it and that was with Marik. Surely if he went back, they would kick him out again, stating that the card key was just an excuse.

So, using his tiny yet cute Mokuba-brain, he decided to open the trunk by force. He lifted his leg and brought it down as had as he could on the latch. That didn't seem to do much and he kicked again and again. He was almost out of breath and was about to faint but from out of the car came Yugi, running over to him with his cheeks puffed out. He nodded to Mokuba and they both sent high kicks to the latch of the trunk. It busted open and they grabbed the four oxygen tanks and ran for the door.

Just as they jumped in, Yami slammed the door shut once again and looked wide-eyed at Yugi who was gasping for breath on the floor of the car between Marik and Mokuba.

"What the hell were you thinking, Yugi?" Yami yelled, shaking his fist. "You could've run out of air, you could've—"

"Oh, _I_ see!" Mokuba yelled back, "It's a disaster if _Yugi_ falls down dead but if _I_ die, everyone carries on with life as per usual, is that right?"

Yami paused and then scratched his head. "Well…"

"Shut up, alright, just shut up!" Mokuba was clearly hysterical.

"Calm down." Yugi said, patting Mokuba on the head soothingly and at the same time giving a warning look to his other half.

Mokuba swatted his hand away. "I'm not a puppy! Don't pet me!"

Meanwhile, Marik was doting over the oxygen tanks, picking one up and strapping it over his shoulder with both of the dark blue bands over his shoulder blades. "Good," he said aloud but not necessarily to anyone, "now if the car runs out of oxygen, we'll be in pretty good shape, at least for a while." The other three in the car continued to argue but Marik proceeded to ignore them and dug in his back pocket to check Malik's current location.

Upon first glance, the two transmitters didn't seem all that far. Malik's tracker was in the center of the screen and his was about half an inch away. But Marik zeroed in on the two points and was utterly speechless at the reading—he and his hikari were 227,900,000 kilometers apart.

With his mouth open, he sat back in the leather-covered chair. The arguments beside and behind him sounded as if they were a million miles away. Suddenly, it stopped for a moment and he heard Yugi's faint voice ask, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Mokuba blinked at him and then peered over his shoulder. "Oh, hey! So how far are we from my brother, Marik?"

Marik gave a maudlin clown laugh. "Oh… a ways…"

"And how far is—OhmyfreakingGod!" Mokuba squealed, finally seeing the reading at the bottom of the screen. "W-What the heck? Is that right?"

At hearing his little squeal of terror, Yami and Yugi joined in the rubbernecking and their eyes were wide as well.

"Well," Yami croaked, "I guess walking is out of the question."

— — —

Back at the newly named Sunny Tallywhacker castle, a happy feeling was buzzing around the grounds. And that was simply because Empress Ryou was happy. And if Empress Ryou was happy then everyone _else_ was happy. That was something you didn't forget when you were in the palace. His moods would directly effect the mood of everyone else in the vicinity. If he was happy, all the servants and soldiers looked like someone had just injected them with a questionable serum that left them with a goofy grin on their face as an after-effect. And if Empress Ryou was feeling rather pissed off, no one laughed, no one smiled and no one spoke to him if it wasn't of the most important news.

Ryou smiled deeply at his companion standing before him. "You are so cute! I could just die!"

"Yeah, well, I wish you would," said Bakura sourly.

"I know you're happy, you just don't want to show it. That's fine with me though, at least I'm enjoying it."

"I know you are, you pervert."

Ryou smiled again and tugged on one of Bakura's bunny ears. It was part of the agreement for the renaming of the castle shared by the two. Bakura wanted the word Tallywhacker in the title and Ryou agreed but Bakura had to wear the fluffiest bunny headband that Ryou could stir up. Ryou was unaware of this but the servants, when Ryou wasn't around, laughed at Bakura. They didn't take him seriously at all.

The two were currently relaxing in what Ryou presented to Bakura as the master bedroom. It was about the size of an Olympic swimming pool and had a small stream traipsing through the room, from the upper left-hand corner and swaying drunkenly until it met a two inch high wide and three inch tall waterfall at the bottom right corner of the room, going into an unseen part of the castle. Ryou had told Bakura that since he began to rule over the Milky Way he'd his servants from various planets make concealed trips back and forth from here to Earth to retrieve things that Ryou simply could not live without. One of those things being water.

"Wouldn't it be terrible not to be able to bathe?" he'd said a while back. "Well I said the word 'bath' and they looked at me like I was insane! They've never _washed themselves_…! What a horrid thought. Of course it made sense, seeing as how the general population of Mars bursts into flames when coming in contact with water—found that out the hard way, hehe—but _still_."

Another being actual sustenance.

"Most beings in the galaxy are self-sustaining. Know what that means, right, 'Kura? They eat their own… well, you know… The very idea made me gag. Why do you think so many of the best chefs from Earth have been disappearing lately, hmm? Well I have them here. In the basement."

Bakura was rather disturbed at hearing that but he couldn't deny the pride he felt. There had been a time when he thought his hikari would never appreciate his love for causing worldwide mischief. He seemed quiet good at it now. Bakura didn't know then that someday very soon he would find out just how good his hikari had become.

Now, in the master bedroom, Bakura grunted and took his bunny ear out of Ryou's hand. "Never mind that," he said. "I want to know more about what you're planning to do with Malik. Are you going to boil him?" Bakura sounded somewhat excited as he continued: "Maybe pluck all his hairs and feed him to our freakish servants? Those are good ideas, aren't they?"

Ryou blinked. "I would never do those things."

"What? Not bad enough? 'Cause I can think of more."

"… I'm sure you can… Bakura. Am I sensing some… _hostility_ here?"

"What, for Malik? Nah, not really. He just annoys me with his poofiness. …You annoy Marik, you know."

"I do _what_?" Ryou gasped, horrified.

"Yeah, he told me that he thought you were clingy. He really didn't want to look for you when we were back on Earth," Bakura said thoughtfully. He tapped his chin. "Actually, he was downright sour about it."

Ryou's eyes were stoic. "Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"I see." Ryou looked towards the window as Bakura talked some more about Malik's fate.

— — —

Meanwhile the despair in Kaiba's hover car over the distance between the two trackers—and ultimately the two parties—was diminishing at an alarming rate. And that was probably because the fear was rising like the temperature during a Texas summer. Through all their crying and worrying, Yami's head had slipped to the side and at that strange angle, he could see over the hood of the car and off to the side.

His eyes had widened immediately and he shouted and screamed like a man possessed. Everyone first ignored him and then peered over the hood and began to scream and accompany him in his possession. It seemed that there was some sort of gas station or convenient store just twenty yards away. There were no cars but suddenly someone came out of the front door. But in the boys' opinions, it was more of a _something_.

A rather robust, red creature with his eyes hanging at the end of two antennas on his chest stood outside the establishment with a puzzled look on his discombobulated face. He scratched what was supposed to be his head briefly, looking at the car, and the boys immediately ducked, hoping he hadn't seen them. A moment later, he went back into the building.

All four of them were panting heavily.

"Oh… my gosh… _alien_," Mokuba said, trying to take another peek.

"Stop that, Mokuba, he'll see you!"

"N-No, he's gone back inside… What the heck is that thing?"

Marik blinked and then peeked himself, followed by Yugi and Yami. Yugi said, "It looks like a rest stop."

"Wonderful," Marik rolled his eyes. "An alien-gas station. Let's leave. Now. It's already gonna take us fifty years to reach Malik, Bakura and Kaiba as it is."

"Uh, good idea." Everyone agreed and Marik sat back, taking the key card and turning it again. The car's engine sputtered and then stopped. Marik tried again, this time with more force. Nothing happened. Mokuba blinked and looked over at Marik's shoulder. "We're… out of gas," he said.

Marik stared.

— — —

Her Sweetness: I had a problem with the damn linebreaks... Anyway, please review and tell me your thoughts.


	8. Diggin' The Lows

Her Sweetness: Ah, first chapter of the new school year. Don't ya just love it?

— — —

A Tale of Two Bunnies

Chapter 8:

Number Seven had been leisurely walking down the hallway, sipping his bottle of Mountain Dew. He'd just had his second lunch break in the past five hours and was feeling rather good about it, too. In the faulty break room, he'd just traded a box of pocky and two Hershey bars to Number Twenty-two for a copy of the latest _Playboy_ magazines. These were rare now since there was no printing of these sorts of magazines here.

As he headed back to the lab, then a few doors down from it, an agitated scream echoed from the open doorway. Number Seven took the drink away from his lips briefly and peeked around the corner. Suddenly, Kaiba popped out of the door and spotted Number Seven almost immediately. He came racing over to the poor scientist and shouted at him mercilessly.

"And just where have _you_ been? I can't believe you actually left in the middle of _testing_! What the hell is the matter with you? We're handling unstable chemicals and raw metals and I tell everyone to be alert and pitch in and then I come out here to see you slurping a soda! What the freaking hell, man?"

Number Seven blinked. "I was… thirsty?"

Kaiba looked as if he were about to smack him.

"O-Okay! Wait, I'm sorry," he amended. "I guess I just didn't hear. … How'd it go?"

There was a pause. Kaiba blew air out of the side of his mouth and ran a hand through his hair. "We had to stop right in the middle. Number Seventy had to go to the bathroom."

"Then I didn't miss anything."

"That's not important!" Kaiba yelled and scared his employee. "The important thing is that you're there! Jeez, what the hell do I pay you for?"

"Sir, I haven't gotten a paycheck in months."

"You got a paycheck just last month!"

"That was January."

"Yeah, and?"

"This is September."

"…"

"Sir—"

"Oh shut up!" Kaiba glared at him and turned away. He rubbed his temples in harsh circles and let out a ragged sigh. He muttered to no one in particular, "This is just great… What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Number Seven watched him sympathetically and finally took the closing step between them. He held up his fizzy drink in front of Kaiba's nose. "You want a sip?" he asked meekly.

Kaiba opened one eye and peered at it.

Number Seven smiled. "Come on, it doesn't bite!"

Sighing, he took it and took a swig. Under normal circumstances he wouldn't have shared a drink with anyone, much less a staff member who hadn't received a paycheck in some time and could've very well poisoned the Mountain Dew. But these were not normal circumstances; he was being forced to work on some bizarre project by an insane, albino teenager who happened to be Empress of the galaxy. _If it's poisoned_, he thought, _then I have no reason to live anyway!_

So he drank it eagerly and didn't even get halfway through the bottle before spitting everything out and onto the chrome floor below them.

"… What's wrong?"

"Wrong?" Kaiba sputtered. "This is crap! You poisoned this! Damn! I don't _really_ want to die!"

"Poison? Sir, I would never—"

"_LIES!_" he wailed.

Number Seven blinked. "Okay… Mr. Kaiba, sir, you really need to chill. It's just a little backwash, it never killed anybody. What's the real problem?"

Another pause during which Kaiba sighed. He said, "I'm afraid Ryou's going to kill me."

"Gee-wiz! Why?"

"What do you mean, why? Because we're not working fast enough! Seriously, I mean, back at Kaiba Corp we could lollygag because people paid for whatever crap we put on the market but here we have a _deadline_!"

"When's the deadline?"

"… I think it was a few hours ago…"

"Oh…" Number Seven scratched his head and thought, _He really is screwed!_ But he would never say it to the already upset CEO. Instead he opted for the cheer-up route. "Well, listen," he said, putting an arm around Kaiba's shoulder and immediately retracting it when he received a growl. "Um, there's nothing to worry about! Hey, I doubt Ryou will even realize we're taking so long. He's too occupied with his new toy!"

"… Bakura?"

"_Uh-huh_. It's like when a six-year-old gets a new puppy! He'll be so preoccupied with Empress Bakura that we can take all the time we want and by the time we finish, he'll be surprised and happy! You'll be alive and we'll all live happily ever after! What cha think about _that_?"

"I think it's stupid."

"What? Aw, come on!"

"Don't 'come on' me! It is stupid; Ryou's not going to forget about something he threatens me for daily just because Bakura came floating into his arms!"

"Oh yeah? Then how come we haven't heard from him since you went to Malik's cell? That had to be like a day ago, Earth time, right?"

Kaiba arched an eyebrow. "Alright, so say he is preoccupied. How long do you think that would give us?"

"That depends. How much fun can he have with Bakura?"

Kaiba received dirty pictures like emails in his mind.

Number Seven frowned. "And we're focusing…?"

"… Huh? Oh yeah. Okay… well, I'm not sure. Lots, I guess. We should speed up progress still, just in case…"

"Right."

And all of a sudden, the entire fifth floor shook violently in prologue to a ear-shattering explosion. The constant silver of the walls and floor was interrupted by a soft green glow that came from the laboratory that Kaiba and Number Seven stood a few feet from. It all stopped suddenly and a bit of smoke came floating out of the door and with it popped out the head of a random employee.

Kaiba gritted his teeth at the man. "What… happened?"

"Urm… well… the lab's bathroom is out of toilet paper again… and Number Ten told us to use those rags in the corner… the ones with acid all over them?"

Kaiba held his head with his hand. He growled, "And it mixed with the bases already on your skin, right? How many times do I have to tell you people not to pick up random things in a chemical environment to wipe your asses with!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kaiba—"

"AAAHHH!" came a voice followed by Number Ten who came running from the lab and out into the hallway, half his coat scorched and his rear on fire. The scientist who'd been informing Kaiba of the earlier mishap gasped and ran inside, returning a second later with a bucket of liquid.

Kaiba and Number Seven shouted, "THAT'S NOT WATER—"

Number Ten busted into flames.

— — —

"We're not going in there," Yami stated firmly.

Everyone else in the car simply stared at him and, after a moment, Yugi nodded shakily. "Yami's right. It's too dangerous!"

"Well hell, I'm not suggesting it because it seems like a land of flowers and smiles," Marik snapped, "but it's our only choice! Go in there or stay out here and run out of air. These tanks can't last forever and we cannot stay here. We need to keep going. And the only way we're going to do _that_ is to get some _fuel_."

Yugi looked defeated. He couldn't argue with what was true. He looked at his other half to help him out.

Yami folded his arms. "You can go out there, Marik. But I don't recommend it. They'll see your human and immediately gut you and use your intestines as boas to attend their fancy parties."

An awkward pause followed.

"You let him watch too much TV," Marik said to Yugi and then turned around. He put the mouthpiece of the tank over his mouth and made sure it was secure before turning it on.

"W-Wait a minute!" Mokuba raised his hand to Marik and fussed with his oxygen tank with his free hand. "I'm coming with you!"

Yugi gasped. "Mokuba, no! You can't; you'll be killed!"

Mokuba was about to say something but Yami put a hand on the boy's shoulder and stopped him from buckling the strap. He looked at Marik sternly. "You can do what you want but you're not taking Mokuba out on your suicide mission. You're insane, you'll get Kaiba's little brother killed!"

"I'm _more_ than Seto's little brother," Mokuba said and tore his shoulder angrily from Yami's grip. "And I don't consort with naked people. So leave me alone. Let's go, Marik."

"Fine," Marik said, not caring.

There was silence as Mokuba continued to buckle his straps and then fixed his mouthpiece. Yugi said, "Alright, alright! Wait, just hold on. I think you should have… a disguise. Yami's right—in a weird way—what if they don't like humans? What if they think you look weird?"

"Well what would you have us do?" Marik asked. "Put on an alien outfit? Sure, okay. Let me just go to the Party Store down the street. DAMMIT, YUGI, WE'RE IN OUTER SPACE!"

Yugi yipped and hid.

Yami folded his arms. "You're going to do what Yugi said, not just for your safety but for Mokuba's!"

"WITH WHAT, YAMI? WITH _WHAT_?"

Five minutes later, Marik and Mokuba stepped outside of the car. Marik, with his mask made from the black leather from part of the backseat in the car, the googly eyes made from cut locks of Yugi's hair. And Mokuba, his small face wrapped in a similar mask taken from the steering wheel making him look like road kill. Their oxygen tanks were loaded and hooked over their mouths so they could breathe under the suffocating masks.

As they walked, their footsteps bounced due to the lack of atmosphere. Mokuba, being smaller than Marik, bounced higher and once almost flew away.

Marik caught him by his sneaked and threw him back onto the ground. "Stop that flying," he reprimanded.

"Oh, sure, like I _tried_ to fly away!"

"Be quiet. Look." Marik pointed just a little ways across the land of red dirt and Mokuba looked up, seeing that they were now at the gas station they'd seen that horrid creature come out of. Both Marik and Mokuba snuck to the side of the building where nothing but a few empty boxes and ripped posters were.

They listened for a second and Mokuba breathed in deep, his voice trembling. "I'm getting scared, Marik…"

"Oh, stop being a baby."

"I'm not a baby!"

"Stop shouting," Marik whispered harshly, "You want them to come out here and eat your voice box or something, huh?"

Mokuba yipped and shook his head violently.

"Alright then. We're going in now, don't shit your pants." Marik held up his hand and counted down from three to one. When he reached one, he scampered from behind the wall and ran out into the outside lobby where there were fuel tanks much like on Earth. Marik turned and went inside the establishment, the doors opening automatically before him. Mokuba tiptoed in behind him.

They were greeted with a sight and smell which was utterly disgusting. For the second time that day, Marik's hands flew up to his nose and he immediately accused the small boy behind him. "Mokuba, I just told you—"

"For crap's sake, that wasn't me! Look, over there!" Mokuba pointed onto the stocked shelves of the gas station. "And there! And there!"

Marik looked around saw that small individual packages, no bigger than peanut bags, lined the shelves and were filled to the brim with feces. That was the smell. The sight which was so terrible was coming out of the back room and approaching the counter.

"Can I help you two?" ask the thing they'd seen earlier, looking at them with a slightly raised eyeball.

Mokuba squeaked and felt his bowels become loose and hot. He made a thick sound in his throat. "I think I'm going to be sick," he muttered.

Marik, who was just as disgusted but much more familiar with the unnatural, coughed twice and sauntered up to the counter, ignoring the gruesome sight before him. He said, "Hello, dear sir. We were just wondering if you sold fuel here? We seem to be all out." Marik sounded a lot more like a telemarketer than he meant to but the alien bought in.

"What kind of vehicle you got?" the proprietor's voice softened. He peeked out of the window and looked back at the only thing in sight, Kaiba's hover car. "That thing?" he exclaimed. "I thought that was some sort of food, I was fixing to come out and eat it!"

Both boys gasped.

"Well… I dunno." The thing scratched his head. "As long as I've been alive, I've never seen something like that. Sorry, guys. I only fuel g-34s through 55s. You'll have to go into town if you want some gas… Hey, I got it. Ask for Jarrt. He's good at classifying things like that."

Marik paused and looked at his little companion. Mokuba shrugged. Marik turned around and asked, "Well where do we find him?"

"It's not far, a few miles that way maybe," he pointed. "Mars ain't such a big planet, huh?"

"… _Mars_?" Marik and Mokuba said in unison, looking at each other.

There was a long pause.

The shopkeeper tilted what was supposedly his head. "Where'd you think you were?"

Marik's eyes widened suddenly. He didn't want to seem like such an outsider that he didn't know which planet he was on. "Um," he grinned slyly, "well, I knew it had to be either Mars or Mercury. See, I was driving with my eyes closed."

"Why?"

"It was a dare."

"Oh. Well… alright. Just go down a ways and you'll find the city. Ask around for Jarrt. Tell 'em Bog sent ya."

Marik sighed and nodded. This had been somewhat of a waste of time, he thought. Before he reached the door, Bog motioned to some of the "foodstuffs" around the store and said, "Wanna take anything with ya?"

Mokuba heaved.

Marik grabbed him and yelled before the door closed, "No thanks!"

— — —

Her Sweetness: Alright, so it was a long wait. I was getting adjusted! That, and I had, like, the hugest writer's block of all time. We're lucky I got this out even this late. Oh well. Tell ya what. Some reviews might motivate me.


	9. The Hoes Of Mars: Part One

Her Sweetness: Ooh, another chapter. Aren't I just amazing? Teehee. Well I wasn't even going to attempt writing this weekend so you all have my pushy mom to thank. She pouted and growled and bought me enough sugar to get Hitler hyper.

Enjoy!

— — —

A Tale of Two Bunnies

Chapter 9:

"HEAVE!"

"HO!"

"HEAVE!"

"HO!"

Mokuba blinked and stopped for a moment while Yami and Yugi continued to push the back of the hover car up yet another crater's side. Mokuba wondered aloud, "Hey… why do we have to chant like this?"

Yami turned his head and snapped at Mokuba for slacking. "Stop talking and start hoing!"

"Oh… okay, HO!"

"HEAVE," Marik shouted back at them. "Heave like your mama depended on it!"

He was sitting up in front, his legs crossed comfortably on the dashboard and his hands folded behind his head as he reclined. He continued to look out of the rear windshield and shouted "HEAVE," at the other three to continue to push the car towards the city.

When Marik and Mokuba returned from Bog's gas station, they hurried into the car and told Yami and Yugi everything. Yami couldn't get over the fact that the whole "makeshift alien disguise" thing worked. Yugi was more concerned with the fact that they were on Mars, that aliens actually existed, and that they were going to have to travel to the nearest town for gas for the hover car.

He and Mokuba asked Marik just how they expected to get there _with no gas_. He answered by simply calling out "Shotgun!" and thus was how he got out of pushing. He instead called himself a lookout and was doing just that as the other three boys were outside pushing and he lounged in the front seat snacking on month-old Fritos found in the dashboard.

Marik watched over the horizon just beyond the glowing dashboard that held up his crossed feet. The sky was pitch black and even further beyond his own two feet, he could see the stars and other far off planets twinkling.

"Oh, Malik," he mused to himself. "You're such an idiot. I mean really, what kind of a nut gets captured by an insane albino? And you call yourself an Ishtar. _Shameless_."

Yugi panted as he pushed. He called out tiredly, "Hey Marik, how close are we? Can you see that city yet?"

Marik growled, agitated, "Not yet—" He blinked in mid-sentence and looked over the dashboard. "Ooh, wait, there it is."

"Huh?" Yugi called back, not really hearing.

"I said we're here! Stop pushing!"

"_Huh_?"

The edge of the crater was approaching fast due to Yami, Yugi and Mokuba's constant pushing and shoving. As the car came up to the edge and threatened to teeter into the large hole, Marik screamed, "Oh Ra! Yugi, you maniac, stop pushing!"

"HUH?"

"Yugi," Yami said from beside the hikari, "you may want to insert your hearing aid."

"Oh, thanks, Yami." Yugi reached into his hair and pulled out a small, see-through device that he pulled into the shell of his ear. He smiled, "There."

Mokuba raised an eyebrow. "I-I didn't… know you _wore_ a hearing aid, Yugi."

"Yeah, neither did I."

"O… _kay_."

"HELLO? DAMMIT, STOP PUSHING!" Marik screamed now at the top of his lungs, gripping the steering wheel like his life depended on it.

Immediately, all three of them pulled on the bumper and stopped the hover car in mid-teeter on the rim of the crater. Marik sighed out a large breath and looked down, seeing the city and its lights flashing like the stars above it. There was noise radiating from it and Marik was tilting back in the chair comfortably.

"Man," he said, "I thought for a second I was really going to go over."

Mokuba suddenly kicked the back wheel of the car and it went tipping over the side, Marik's screams and cursing following it as they both went down.

Yugi's eyes were wide. He turned to Mokuba. "What the heck did ya do that for?"

He shrugged. "That guy gets on my nerves."

Yami nodded. "Mine, too."

"… Are you two nuts? Well we have to save him!" Yugi shouted, his hand raised to the sky, heroically.

There was a pause and Yami peered into Yugi's armpit. "I think you missed a spot while shaving, Yugi."

Yugi blinked. "Oh darn."

— — —

Going down the side of the large crater, Marik was yelling uncontrollably, words that had not even been invented. The city's lights came at him faster and faster and as he was shouting out into the wind, "SHMIGGORF!" he heard three yells coming from behind him. He turned and saw his three companions tumbling down after him, the hard rocks below finding their ways into Yami and Yugi's naked orifices.

"W-W-We're coming, M-Marik! H-Hold on!" Yugi cried as yet another rock embedded in the crater hit him in the head.

Mokuba tried as best he could to avoid the rocks jutting every which way. "This is nuts! Why didn't we _walk_ down?" he shouted, looking over at what was a tumbling Yami.

"B-Because my oh-so-innocent hikari insisted we throw ourselves off a cliff to save the biggest ass in the universe!" He rammed into another rock.

"I HEARD THAT!" Marik shouted, "FIROO!"

"Stop not making sense!" Yami shouted and after being launched off a rock that leaned foreword, he flew up and landed on the roof of the car. His extra weight on it sent the car faster and in a second it hit the ground with a crash. In a few more seconds, Yugi and Mokuba followed and crashed in a similar fashion; Yugi landed on his rock-filled behind and Mokuba had a rather uncomfortable landing on his head.

There were a few minutes in which nothing was said and nothing was heard but the constant moans and upset groans of the sufferers.

Yugi blinked tiredly, his eyes fluttering open. The first thing he saw was a familiar rump shuffling in front of him. He blinked again, this time eyes fully open, and lifted his head from where it rested on the ground. "Yami? What're you doing?" he asked.

Yami looked down at him from over his shoulder. "Popping my legs into place. You should hurry up and do yours so we can get going."

"… Mine?" Yugi looked behind him and squealed. "_My legs!_"

Suddenly, Marik was standing over him. Just as Yugi was about to snivel and complain, Marik frowned and said harshly, "Come on, Yugi. If you don't do it, _I_ will."

"Yeah…" Mokuba whimpered from where he was sitting on the hood of the car. He rubbed his leg joints. "And you don't want him to do it…"

"Um. Okay." Yugi sat up and began to twist his legs back into place. While he busied himself with that, Yami stood up and said to Marik, "Hey, uh, we got a problem."

"What now?"

"Well Yugi and I aren't exactly able to go into that city the way we are. First off, we're naked. Second off, we don't have masks like you and Mokuba."

"Hey, count yourselves lucky—this thing's itchy," Mokuba informed.

Yami blinked at him. "Yeah, well."

Marik twisted his mouth and tapped his foot impatiently. "Alright, jeez! Grab some material off the back seat and make it snappy."

Yugi pouted. "You're not the boss of us!"

"_Grr._"

"Okay, okay!"

In a few minutes, Yami and Yugi were dressed to the hilt in black leather all over their bodies. They were no longer naked—and Mokuba for that was thankful—but the leather up against their bodies still dirty from the fall was quite uncomfortable.

Yugi whined, "This is itchy!"

"_Told_ you," Mokuba hummed.

So the four of them, itchy as they were, traveled from the hover car and into the city of Mars. The car, surprisingly, was left unharmed by the fall and seemed alright when they left it sitting at the edge of the crater. Mokuba worried that it might be stolen or even eaten—according to what Bog had said—if left alone. At hearing that, Marik asked the boy if perhaps he would like to be left alone to guard it. Mokuba left the subject alone after that.

The lights were blinding as they stepped through the threshold of the gate guarding the city. A large sign by the opening read something in large letters, something in a different language. The first few steps into the city were the hardest for Marik's three followers.

"We're gonna get our asses kicked," Yami groaned. "These costumes aren't gonna trick anybody!"

"Yami!" Yugi scolded his other half for his foul language.

"Well, it's true, Yugi! We look like garbage bags! What kind of alien looks like a _garbage bag_?"

All four of them stopped and stared as a little thing that strongly resembled a trashcan went running by on three legs.

Marik pursed his lips. "I think we're gonna fit in just fine."

"Alright, well, how are we gonna find this Jarrt guy, Marik?" Mokuba asked. He waved his arms about. "This isn't exactly the smallest place. He could be anywhere!"

"Oh, hush. We'll just ask around."

Yami nodded. "Fine, but let's do it discreetly. We don't want to attract anymore attention to ourselves than need be, because—"

"HEY, WHERE'S JARRT?" Marik called out, stopping the surrounding crowd of aliens in their tracks.

Yami gasped. "Marik, you ninny!"

Everyone collectively pointed eastward, where there was a busy street dead-ending at a nightclub with a lit sing that read something in that same language on the town billboard.

Marik smiled. "Thanks." He looked at Yami with an expression that said 'Worship my brilliance.' Yami only huffed and folded his arms.

The four of them began to shuffle that way and were soon at the door of the nightclub where Jarrt was supposedly dwelling. Beings from all walks of life were strolling in and out of the place. It was quiet loud in there and a strange music was floating out of the open door and into the air. Or lack thereof.

"I bet you expect us to just walk right in there, don't you?" said Yami, motioning towards the large, grotesque thing standing by the door, admitting people in and throwing them out, obviously the nightclub's resident heavy.

Marik wiggled his eyebrows at Yami suggestively and Yami rolled his eyes.

They stood together in the line which shortened immensely after the thug turned them away. Marik was standing in front of the other three, as per usual, and looked up unfazed as the thing stared him down.

"You look funny," the thing said.

"So do you," Marik said.

Mokuba groaned, "We're gonna die."

The bouncer tapped one of his eighteen feet. "If you want in, you gotta pay cover."

Marik sighed and looked back at the three of them. He asked, "Any of you have any money?"

Mokuba reached into his back pocket. He pulled out his check that he had previously been keeping in that lone tube sock under his pillow. "Well, I have my allowance. That's it though."

The bouncer laughed. "That little shred of paper's not worth anything here. You need a cover or you're not getting in."

"But we have to get in," Yugi argued.

"Not without a cover charge!"

There was an awkward pause. Marik's light bulb flashed suddenly and he picked up Mokuba, offering the tiny boy to the bouncer with his salesman grin, "Well, what about this little thing? He should be worth quite a few bucks, right?"

Mokuba squealed soundlessly.

The bouncer tilter his head and took Mokuba by the back out his shirt. He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Alright, go on in."

Both Yami and Yugi were left speechless.

Mokuba stuttered incoherently as Marik ushered the two spiky-haired teens in with him. He whispered before he went in, "Stay strong, Mokuba."

"B… But… _MARIK_!"

Inside, strobe lights were running around on the dance floor where alien life forms giggled and shook their moneymakers. Once in the mist of the shaking, Marik told his two companions to make like they were dancing so they could fit in for the time being.

"I cannot believe what you did to Mokuba!" Yugi shouted angrily as he did the Monkey.

"Kaiba's going to kill you," Yami said, doing the Cabbage Patch.

"Pththt. Kaiba doesn't worry me. He's a bazillion miles away. Besides, I'm not gonna leave the little runt there; I'll pick him up before we leave."

"Like it's so easy! Marik, you need to face reality—you _sold_ Mokuba for entry to a club!"

"No, I sold him for gas. Now, let's find this Jarrt character," he said before continuing to Jitterbug through the crowd.

— — —

Her Sweetness: Hopefully, this chapters will now be banged out on a regular basis. Review if you liked it.


	10. The Hoes Of Mars: Part Two

Her Sweetness: Well don't give me those puppy eyes. It's your own fault this update took so long. The only reason I'm updating now is because I need to get on with my life! I can't wait around for lazy reviewers forever. X.x

* * *

A Tale of Two Bunnies 

Chapter 10:

The foreign music was pounding inside the walls of the club and even outside, the music was flooding the streets. Mokuba was highly uncomfortable and upset as he was curled tightly by one of the guard's many tentacles and as the bouncer allowed people to enter and threw people out, Mokuba was bounced carelessly around. Not only was it upsetting that he'd been sold to this strange thing but the tentacles held a quite unpleasant odor as well.

Inside, the lights were flashing on the things dancing below. Marik, Yami and Yugi had stopped imitating dancing as they soon lost their breath but continued their search for the elusive Jarrt anyway.

"Hey," Yami called to Marik finally, "we don't even know what we're looking for here!"

Yugi nodded. "We need to ask somebody, Marik, or we'll never find him."

Marik turned around in annoyance and shook his finger at the two. "Now listen here," he said loudly to be heard over the music, "we'll know him when we see him, alright? That's just the way it goes."

"You mean fate, or something?" Yami asked.

"No. Logic."

"_Logic?_"

"That's right. We're looking for Jarrt, right? Well when we see something that looks like its name ought to be 'Jarrt' then we'll jump on it."

There was a pause during which the three stared at each other.

"How is that logic?" Yugi squeaked.

"Oh, do I have to explain? Listen, I look like my name ought to be Marik. You look like your name ought to be Yugi and he"—Marik jerked his finger towards Yami—"looks like his name ought to be Ugly but we'll over look that."

Yami stared and then his light bulb flickered. "_Hey_," he said.

Yugi shook his head slowly. "Marik, I hate to say it but that is so…"

"So what?" Marik growled, raising an eyebrow.

"… S-So… wonderfully brilliant?"

"My thoughts exactly. So, carry on troops! Here's an idea; let's spilt up into two groups. We'll work faster that way. You two go that way and I'll scope out this side. If you find him, give me a signal."

"Well, it's too loud in here to scream at you. What should we do?" Yami asked and then raised a finger. "Wait, here we go! We'll give you a signal!"

Marik raised an eyebrow at Yugi. "Am I an idiot or did I _just_ suggest that?"

"Yes and yes."

"I thought so—Wait, what?"

"Teehee," Yugi giggled.

"What I _mean_ is that we give you the physical kind of signal," Yami said, taking Marik's attention off of ways to seriously maim Yugi. "If we find him, then we'll dance like ferrets, alright? Same goes for you."

Marik considered this. He shrugged. "Fine, alright."

Yugi paused. "How does a ferret dance, Yami?"

"That's not important, Yugi."

"…"

Marik began to walk off. "Later," he called back but because of the noise surrounding them, it went unheard. Yami and Yugi sighed when Marik was gone and looked at each other.

"Well, where shall we start?" Yugi asked.

"I dunno…" Yami looked around them briefly, seeing the aliens shake inappropriately. "Maybe we should just go around and—" But just then, the music got harder and faster and the dancing of the aliens followed suit. Gyrating body parts came between the yami and hikari pair and separated them until they could no longer see each other or knew which way was up or down.

"YUGI!" Yami screamed.

As Yugi was booty-bumped to the ground, he heard someone off in the distance yelling, "BOOGIE!" Yugi sat up and dusted off his alien costume, thinking, _These things sure love to party._

* * *

Meanwhile, in another part of the club, Marik was wandering around looking for anything that resembled what he supposed a Jarrt would look like. He was backing up towards the wall currently, trying not to be hit with assorted body parts. 

"These things dance crazier than humans!" Marik said to himself, being pushed up to the wall. A large, female Martian was carelessly shaking her enormous rump and rammed it into Marik's face, sending him flying into the wall and holding him there for a moment between her rounded butt cheeks. Just before he passed out, she shimmied away and he was left to fall to the ground.

He gasped for air and nearly retched. After finding that he was able to stand again, he widened his eyes in realization that he had to pee all of a sudden. Either it was the shock of having that Martian's butt pressed against his bladder or the fact that he hadn't thought of his hygienic needs since leaving Earth quite some time ago.

Marik looked around for a bathroom (or a conveniently located bush) and at first saw nothing that resembled one. But then, upon further inspection, there were two doors right next to each other just a few feet away from where he then stood.

Thinking that they must be bathrooms, he gladly hurried over. But once he got there and looked at the signs placed in the middle of the doors, he frowned in confusion. The signs made no sense to him. On the left door, there was a squiggle. On the right door, there was a straight line.

He let this roll around in his head for a bit before muttering, "Alright… So this door is for gay aliens. And the other one is for… straight aliens? That's gotta be it. But I wonder where the bisexual aliens go to the bathroom? And what would their sign be? A curved line?"

But these queries would have to go unanswered for now as his need to pee increased and he entered the door to his left. Inside, he was surprised, looked much like an Earth restroom. On the furthest wall were urinals and adjacent to those were five stalls in a row. Opposite the stalls were sinks and mirrors.

Marik hurried over to one of the urinals and unzipped his pants. Relief swept over him as he bled his lizard. In the middle of Marik's scared ritual, the door to the bathroom opened again and this time a Martian entered and swayed over the linoleum to the urinals. Marik didn't notice him at first, too wrapped up in his own business to pay him any mind, but when the alien sauntered over to the urinal next to him, Marik became acutely aware of his presence.

The Martian mumbled something incoherently as he bellied up to the porcelain thing and Marik was appalled by what he saw.

_Oh… my Ra…_Marik's hands flew up to cover his mouth as the alien next to him began to relieve himself through a large and very appalling-looking tube that had previously rested between two folds of red, sweaty flesh. _So gross, so gross! This is disgusting!_

Unfortunately for Marik, he was not done with his own business and had to replace his hands where they were before if he did not want to wet the floor. But he could not take his eyes off the terrible sight next to him. Even more unfortunately for Marik, the alien caught his glance and leaned over, laying his freakishly large head on Marik's shoulder and causing the yami's whole body to tilt. He had to strain to keep his line of fire in the urinal.

"H-Hey!" Marik shouted, hopping back into place with his right foot. "What're you doing?"

"Shh… Sleepy…" the Martian hiccupped, closed his eyes for a second then busted into a fit of wild laughter.

This scared the crap out of Marik and he almost lost aim again. "Get off me!"

"Are you my mommy?"

"No, I am not! Stop it! Stay on your side!" Marik wished he could stop peeing and run out but, obviously, he'd needed to empty his bladder worse than he had previously thought and the stream kept coming no matter how he tried to stop it. What he wasn't aware of then, though, was that Martian urinals were designed to get it all out of you whether you wanted it or not.

And he certainly didn't want it then. He had been in many situations in his life but having a Martian leaning all over him while he held his penis in his hand was a new experience and one he wasn't enjoying.

"DAMMIT, I SAID—OW!" Marik yipped when the urinal began to pull out the last of what he had in him. "What is up with this place?" Marik whirled his head around when the alien laughed again.

"I'm going to pinch you…" he said menacingly.

"_Don't you dare!_" Marik shouted, squinting.

* * *

"This is confusing. Damn Marik for making things so hard for me," Yami said to himself as he continued his perusing of the club. He'd yet to find anyone who looked like a Jarrt but then again he may not have been looking very hard. After all, he didn't _ask_ to be dragged to the planet Mars and he didn't _ask_ to be thrown into a wild goose chase for Marik's hikari, a hikari he wasn't all that partial to considering Malik had stolen Yami's recipe for a strawberry soufflé Yami had made specifically for the 18th Annual City-Wide Soufflé Tournament. But that's another story. 

Currently, he was looking for some sort of water-fountain to quench his thirst but instead found two doors that stood side-by-side. He looked at them curiously at first and then noticed the signs on each one. A squiggle on the left and a straight line on the right.

Yami considered this for a moment before saying, "I wonder what these mean… Oh! Maybe the left door is for girl aliens and the right is for boys. It only makes sense. They probably have a water fountain in here!"

So Yami, using his own brand of logic, happily strode into the right door. Much to his surprise, it was just a large white room, resembling a public bathroom to some degree but with a large, gaping hole in the floor. The hole was quite empty and on the right side of it was a red button. Yami walked over and got on his knees in front of the hole, looking down into it.

"Well I don't see any water. What am I supposed to do with this?"

He sighed, frustrated, and looked over at that tantalizing red button. His eyes widened uncontrollably at the prospect of being able to push that red button and with no one around to tell him not to. He giggled semi-evilly.

Yami got up and walked over to it, careful not to slip on the edge and fall into the hole. Soon he was face-to-face with it and was about to push it but through the vent on the left wall, he heard shouting and that distracted him. Yami blinked at one of the voices. "Marik…?" he wondered.

"_Get that thing the hell OFF me!"_

"_Coochie-coo!"_

"… _GROSS! It's freaking wet! Oh Ra, I am out of here!"_

Yami tilted his head as he heard some bumping around in the next room and some yells. Yami looked at the button longingly and finally shook his head and walked out of the door, back into the club for a moment and then into what he supposed was the girl's room. He entered with his arms crossed over his chest, an indignant look in his eye but those both sank when he saw Marik rolling around on the floor, his pants around his ankles, with an alien.

"… Marik? Should I come back in a few minutes?"

"YOU IDIOT, HELP ME!"

Yami twitched. "But what can I do?"

"ANYTHING!"

He hesitated, unsure of what there was he could do but before he made a move towards the two, the restroom door burst open and Yugi's head popped in. "Hi, everyone!" he shouted gleefully.

"Yugi, where have you been?"

"Oh, you know… around. I talked to the bartender and he said that Jarrt just went to the bathroom! Have you guys seen any… oh, wow." Yugi's eyes finally rested on the scene before him involving Marik and the Martian.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" Marik wailed again, beating the alien over the head with his fists. But the Martian hung on for dear life and the two of them soon went rolling into one of the open stalls on the left wall. Yami started to tee-hee but Yugi left his spot at the entry door and came to the middle of the room, tugging on his yami's sleeve.

"Yami, I think Marik is fighting with Jarrt! I think that's him!"

"Heh heh heh."

"Yami, we have to do something!"

"Eh heh heh heh heh."

"… Yami?"

"EH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!"

"Yami, you're having too much fun with this."

* * *

Her Sweetness: Well, there you have it. Review, please. 


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